Tips to help parents/ grandparents transition their child from primary to secondary school

It’s 2025 and school is back. For many, it will be school for the first time. Either way children are required to transition from a safe, known environment to some form of unfamiliar territory.

I found this particularly evident when both my children and then grandsons transitioned from primary to secondary school. It can be just as daunting as starting primary school and moving from the familiar to the unknown. I wondered what was going through their minds and how they must feel. They are exposed, not as protected as at primary schools.

Most of us travel the emotional path with them although the level of intensity differs with every family. Some families will have children who are excited and happy, while others may find it worrying to move away from their ‘safe zone’. Generally speaking, the boys don’t say as much about how they feel so it is important to be there to guide them or instigate a conversation.

In my role as a grandmother, I had little control over the situation and could only provide support from afar. But to many, the grandparents may be the main caregivers taking on the responsibility of emotional support.

It is a big adjustment with changes to their routine. They leave primary school as the senior kids and begin secondary school as the new juniors. There is a lot to cope with for both parent and child.

A child who is normally confident can become shy in their first year. We may think they are grown up ready for the big school and will deal with it, yet they are still emotionally attached to their primary school days.

It is also about them meeting new peers, making new friends and establishing their position within a new peer group all of which can make them feel anxious. We cannot expect them to adjust overnight and parents need to show they are in control, calm, patient and supportive.

Parents also change their roles and need to consciously adapt. I find this in the main, specifically with mothers and primary caregivers. Their emotions have been centred around the primary school relationship which is about to end and the beginning of a different sort of relationship with their child’s secondary school. Which is why it’s important to be mindful of how they manage themselves. Children sense their parent’s emotions even if unspoken.

Don’t be surprised, nor hurt if your child does not want you to be as visible at secondary school as you were during primary years. It is their way of developing a growing independence but it is good to remember they still need your support outside of school. This is where close friends, grandparents, family members and other parents play an important role in helping children and parents to transition smoothly into a new routine. Communication and understanding is important.

Some practical ideas to help with the transition to high school

• Talk about the changes with your child well in advance, and ask what they are looking forward to and what they are worried about.
• Discuss strategies with them on how to address issues of concern.
• Don’t leave things to the last minute before they start school.
• Try to have an adult home for the first few weeks after school to be there for them.
• Utilise the school’s website and encourage your children to find out about the school and its layout.
• Introduce yourself as early as possible to their main teacher who is responsible for your child’s overall care.
• Encourage independence and include them in the decision-making.
• Make your home as comfortable as possible for study time, away from distractions such as the television and mobile phones as they need to adjust to new teaching and assessment styles.
• Help them become more responsible as you may not know their teachers and rely on your children to bring home messages.
• Talk about making new friends and discuss how they did it as well as make time for them to see old friends.
• Encourage them to make the first move e.g. “Do you want lunch?”, to smile, look people in the eye and make their body language open.
• Talk about new school nerves, not to suffer in silence and to talk about bullying.
• Encourage them to ask if they can’t find their way around.

For parents, caregivers and children it is normal to have mixed feelings, ups and downs. Some may find things a little difficult at first. This is all quite natural and normally settles down during the year. Apart from positive influences around you, your support has the strongest and longest-lasting effect.

Children are more capable than we take them for. Time flies, it won’t be long before you look back and say, “We made it”. I know this from experience.

Acknowledgments: raisingchildren.net.au, madeformums.com