Sayings, phrases and words Boomers don’t understand

Language can be a very annoying thing.

We all cottoned on to this early in life when certain words we thought had a fixed meaning turned out to have several meanings, some of which were the opposite of what we first thought.

Take “dust”, for instance.

We know dust as that layer of particles that covers everything in the man cave after several months of binge-watching Bob’s Burgers.

Yet to remove said dust is “to dust”. So, to get rid of dust you must dust the dust.

That’s just silly – yet not as silly as many of the words, phrases and sayings Boomers are forced to contend with each day. (What a weak segue, yet we forge on undaunted.)

It’s nothing to do with any age-related reluctance to accept anything new, it’s just that so many new- fangled terms either make no sense, are new words for old things or are simply, well, stupid.

Here’s a quick list of some of the key irritants that have infected modern speech.

Kiosk – Mention this word to people of a certain age and they immediately think of their favourite childhood beach and that quaint little wooden booth covered in signs for ice cream and lollies and soft drink and hot dogs of dubious origin.

Such outlets are still known as kiosks – but so, too, are those hi-tech pillars where you digitally check in at the airport, the hospital, the dentist or the social service office.

“Just go to the fourth floor and scan in at a kiosk for your appointment with the endocrinologist” you are told, expecting to see a shack selling semi-molten icy poles and warm cans of Fanta.

Cultural Appropriation – This newly-minted sin denotes somebody adopting or adapting something they like that is – wait for it – from a culture other than their own.

This practice has been going on ever since cave people from different tribes swapped recipes about new ways to sauté mastodons.

Artists wouldn’t exist without cross-cultural influences. Neither would food courts.

Yet it’s now meant to be a heinous transgression. Says who? Let’s find this person and put them in a headlock. Then serve them up some slices of nicely sautéed mastodon.

Lived Experience – Talk about a tautology. How can you experience something unless you’ve lived it?

“Did you have a nice holiday?”

“Yes, it was a lovely experience.”

“Ah, but was it a lovely lived experience?”

“Please move away from me now.”

…for… – In our ever-changing social lives, we can’t seem to commit to exact appointment times anymore. Even formal invitations request your presence at “5.30 for 6”.

If you mean cocktails and canapés at 5.30, then the soiree starts at 6 then say that, for crying out loud.

Whatever happened to “Be there at 6pm sharp.”? If you’re not there at that time, you’re – what is that old-fashioned term? Oh, yeah – late.

Unconscious Bias – Who knew that you could be prejudiced against something without even knowing it?

Luckily, there are people in society who will tell you if you suffer from this condition.

And they won’t just tell you of your unconscious bias, they’ll accuse you of it, adding that all the world’s ills are your fault.

And what qualifies them to make such judgements? Well, because they don’t suffer from unconscious
bias – yet if the bias is unconscious, how can they know?

My Truth – This is the phrase people use when they don’t like The Truth, or when they are simply caught lying.

“You deny stealing the car, yet here’s security video showing you doing exactly that.”

“That, sir, is your truth. I was going to return the car once I’d washed it and filled the tank with fuel. That’s my truth.”

Pivot – You mean to change or to switch? Yes, but pivot is the term du jour, applicable in all situations.

To wit:

“I was going to eat an apple but I’m going to pivot to an orange.”

Walk Back – To retract something you stated earlier without wanting to admit it.

“Regarding those promises I made at the last meeting, I’m now going to walk back those statements.”

“You mean you’re going back on your word.”

“No, just walking them back.”

Bothsidesism or “Some arguments don’t have two sides” – Young people love this phrase thinking it’s a slam-dunk piece of unassailable rhetoric.

To them we say:

“All arguments have two sides. That’s what makes it an argument. If you don’t want to listen to somebody else’s opinion because you fear they might have a point then just say so, you beautiful young fool.”

You Can’t Be What You Can’t See – Meaning people need role models, otherwise they can’t achieve anything.

Yet if “You Can’t Be What You Can’t See” holds true then how can anyone be first at anything? There’d be no pioneers, explorers, inventors.

Cave Person 1: “Hey, I’ve got a great idea! Let’s invent the wheel!”

Cave Person 2: “Forget it. Nobody’s invented the wheel before and, you know, you can’t be what you can’t see.”

Cave Person 1: “I’m pivoting to a different group of cave people. So long.”