‘My dog has a hoarding problem! Is there anything I can do about it?’

This is my dog, Monty. He is a hoarder! Feeling sorry for this poor excuse for a dog (and because he’s been going stir crazy at home during coronavirus) I recently gave him a fat, scrumptious-looking, juicy ham hock.

After a tentative couple of licks to make sure it was not contaminated, Monty took the hock outside. He rolled it around on the grass for several minutes, possibly to remove any trace of potential coronavirus germs from ‘the human’ (he’s no doubt heard me saying “Wash your hands” and seen me cleaning everything), and then he proceeded to bury it.

I’d not wanted him to bury it at all! I had hoped the bone would make him feel better.

This lazy little sod! He did not even attempt to dig up the grass nearby, but instead went into my pristine, soft garden bed and removed a peace lily that was apparently in the way. He then carefully deposited the bone into the hole for retrieval at a later date.

Several days later that retrieval date arrived. Monty is smart, calculating and — I sometimes think — bordering on the evil.

He raced into the lounge, checked where Hubby was, then went looking for me. Once he’d laid eyes on this ‘old girl’ he made a quick reconnaissance to ensure no one else was in the house, departing through the laundry and a very handy dog flap.

After successfully digging up his bone and having a nice munch on it, Monty went back to the larder. This dog is either super smart or bordering on evil. He has an unbreakable policy of never burying his bones in the same hole twice. He was now on the hunt for an alternative safe spot.

So now the big question is where did the little monster hide his bone? I’ve been all over the backyard and I cannot find it. The last thing I want to do is stick my gardening fork into the ground and come to a shuddering and shoulder jarring thud.

I have asked him, I really have, where he buried the bone. He just fixes those huge brown eyes on me and wags his tail. He obviously does not intend to share.

Monty obviously did not get the memo from Mr Morrison on not hoarding or at the least decided that the Covid-19 rules do not apply to him. I give up!

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