‘Help! There’s a goose on the loose and it’s after me’

One summer not that long ago I was given a new dress for my birthday. It was grey, goose grey in fact was the colour on the dress tag. It was a lovely dress very flattering and flowing so I decided to wear my goose grey dress shopping.

My daughter and I were going shopping in a town about 70 kilometres away from home, so with my shopping list in hand we got into my new Nissan Pulsar hatch back and set off for the day. My daughter had babysitters for her boys, so we had a whole day to spend together and that was rare to have a day with no children.

We went from shop to shop checking out all the lovely things, trying on clothes and in general having a lovely mother-daughter day together. We stopped at the local hotel and had lunch. There’s nothing like a pub lunch in a country town. When we had finished lunch we went grocery shopping. I had a lot to get and filled about 10 bags full of shopping. We were worried all of the shopping would not fit in my little car.

I was bending over picking up the bags from the trolley and packing them into the car neatly so they would all fit, and then as I was putting in the last few bags into the car something hit me hard on the bottom. “Ouch!” I yelled, I stood up and looked around … Nothing.

Then again. “Ouch!” and again I looked around. There was a grey goose pecking at my bottom and the back of my legs. He had his wings out and was hitting me with them also.

Boy did it hurt! I started to run to my car door, but the goose was in hot pursuit and I couldn’t get into the car. My daughter had jumped into the front seat and locked her door, the goose was fast and kept on attacking me as we continued round and round the car.

As I came round the car the shopping trolley that still had two bags in it was in the way so I pushed it and it rolled down the car park, by this time I was yelling “Help! Help!”

I noticed there was a crowd of people laughing at me, but no one was helping. Even my daughter was crying with laughter from inside the car.

The goose was honking and getting madder as we went round the car for a third time. I was trying to get into the driver’s side of the car. As I was going round the car again I had a thought: is this goose attracted to my goose grey dress? He was a grey goose after all.

Then all of a sudden two men from the meat department in the supermarket came with an empty trolley and a large box and managed to get the goose into the trolley and cover him with the box. There were grey feathers flying into the air and a lot of noise and protest from the goose.

A third man brought me my trolley with the remaining bags in it and even helped me put the shopping into my car. I was out of breath and thanked them for helping me. My daughter got out of the car with tears of laughter in her eyes and thanked the men as well and also thanked the goose for being so entertaining.

I can laugh about this this now, but at the time it was far from funny (and so many people got a good laugh at my expense). I have never worn the goose grey dress again for fear of enraging another goose.

I had several large bruised areas on my bottom and on my legs from the goose. I also wonder if the goose ended up a cooked goose with those men from the meat department dining on this brute for their dinner that night. But all in all it was a lovely day that ended with a loose goose.

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