‘A trip to Bunnings turned into a comical nightmare’

Our plastic laundry bucket finally gave up the ghost a week or so ago, so it was a bit of a boredom-buster to have some fun trying Bunnings Click and Collect.

All seemed very straight forward! Hang it, let’s lash out and get a new four-screw Sabco mop sponge replacement while we’re at it. So, throwing caution to the wind, we did! Whoo hoo, fun times!

Bunnings don’t SMS, they email when your order is ready, and in due course the email came through, but alas, only a part order – the bucket. There is a delay on the mop sponge-head thingy. Oh well, there must’ve been a run on them we surmised; people going gangbusters with house cleaning when there’s nothing else to do. As if.

The ‘all seemed rather straight forward’ bit suddenly took a left turn at Albuquerqu. First up, when you don’t have a smart phone, you need to print out a hard copy of your order and collection confirmation. Grrrrr.

Once you have your proof-of-purchase, you are then actually required to book a time for collection. Up came the pro forma in half-hour slots. Hmmm, we hummed and haaaahed. Between 10 and 10.30am seemed a good time. This booking time confirmation also had to be printed out, grrrrrrrrr, with a blurb on the bottom that read: “When you enter the Bunnings Car Park, please look for car park signage directing you to the dedicated Drive & Collect zone. Alert the store of your arrival by using the phone number displayed on the signage. Please remain in your car, have your Order Confirmation ready to show the Team Member through your window and open the boot so we can place your products in the boot. Please ensure you bring your order confirmation with you to collect your products.”

Far out, all this for buying a plastic bucket?

That was yesterday. Today, duly at the appointed time, we drove into Bunnings with a heightened sense of anticipation, more akin to Rolls Royce level than plastic bucket level!

We were greeted by a masked and high-vis’d body who waved us to the right of what could have passed for a Grand Prix track, all barriers and sandbags. We met another masked and high-vis’d body who signalled us to wind down the driver’s side window. Looking affronted he said: “Please, sir, your mask!” (or words to that effect). Good heavens! Husband donned said mask and handed out the paperwork.

“Drive on to Marquee two,” he said, pointing, and once there, we were duly told to “park in Bay seven, open your boot then return to your seat”.

This was getting just a tad ridiculous! It felt like something out of a World War II espionage movie. A bad one.

After wanting to click heels and salute, we obeyed and waited. Eventually a girl, well, we assumed it was a girl, came out carrying a dicky little square blue bucket with my name emblazoned in at least 200pt type across the side. “Good God,” I said. “You’ve got to be bloody joking!”

But no. With reverent aplomb, she dumped said blue bucket into the boot, slammed the lid, informed us that “part two of your order should be available soon, check your email regularly” and wished us a very good day.

It only occurred to us after laughing ourselves senseless on the way out that we will have to go through this again to collect the “double packet, four-screw Sabco mop head with scourer” next week. Can’t wait! It’s gotta be the highlight of lockdown so far!

Addendum:

The sponge mop head notification duly arrived and we picked it up without anything worthwhile or even remotely funny to write about. But me old friend Murphy has been afoot.

Today was washing floor day and you guessed it. The g’damned bucket leaks! I cannot believe it! Two corners are fractured, which you can only see if you turn it upside down.

I dialled the customer service hotline to be greeted with a recording saying due to Covid-19 Bunnings is experiencing a high rate of telephone traffic and there will be lengthy delays in trying to connect with a customer service operator. The alternate suggestion was to email, which I’ve just done. The saga continues. Don’t hold your breath, I figure this is going to take some time.

Yes of course we can buy a bucket from the supermarket (though last visit they only had wringer mop style); or from any number of other stores, but just for the sheer exercise, we’ll play ball with Bunnings. Hey, not much else to do is there.

PPS: We gave up waiting. Drove down there, poked said bucket out the window to show the faults. “No worries”, she said “I’ll get you a replacement”. God, sigh, really? Yep, really. In five minutes it was all sorted.

I struggle for words sometimes in this Covid world.