By Bess Strachan, Sex and Relationships Writer
If you’re a 65-year-old woman dipping your toe back into the dating pool, welcome to a tribe far larger (and feistier) than you might imagine.
In recent years, society’s attitudes towards age gaps, particularly romantic ones, have thawed – even if the temperature doesn’t always reach equal warmth for women as it does for men.
We can address this topic with candour, referencing the shimmering world of silver screen romance and the lived realities of modern Australian family life.
Let’s face it: men have been crossing oceans of decades with their partners for centuries. Michael Douglas, now 80, married Catherine Zeta-Jones, who is 25 years his junior. Sean Penn dated Scarlett Johansson, who was 24 years younger. Leonardo DiCaprio’s love life has become a punchline for dating younger models. These relationships are often dissected with equal parts raised eyebrows and shrugs – it’s almost expected.
But when the shoes are swapped and it’s women reaching down the age ladder, reactions can range from gentle ribbing to outright consternation. Take the example of Mrs. Robinson in The Graduate – Anne Bancroft was only six years older than Dustin Hoffman in real life, but her character became the archetype for the older woman-younger man romance, one as intoxicating as it is controversial.
More recently, Emma Thompson’s role in Good Luck to You, Leo Grande probes the vulnerability and empowerment at the heart of such relationships, with quiet, joyful irreverence.
So, how young is too young for you, without “looking silly”? The answer is not written in stone, but there are a few touchstones for charting your course. First, maturity matters more than maths. If your date is someone with whom you share genuine interests, respect and emotional connection, the magnitude of his birth year becomes less relevant.
Secondly, context is everything. If you find yourself swooning for a 35-year-old personal trainer, the age gap will raise more eyebrows than if your new beau is 45. The decades between 40 and 60 feel fluid: a 20-year gap at this stage of life bears different implications than it would in your twenties – by now, both parties have lived substantial lives, experienced careers, heartbreaks and grown-up obligations.
The matter of grown-up children is another pit-stop on this journey. Be prepared for frank conversations and perhaps more than a little gentle teasing. Children in their thirties and forties may struggle to imagine their mum at dinner with someone closer to their own age, but families are evolving. Invite them into the discussion: “What do you think about me going out for dinner with Simon? He’s 43.” Don’t be surprised if their initial reaction is incredulity, followed by acceptance – especially if your happiness is palpable.
Remember, there’s still a faint double standard lingering in society. But the truth is, it’s less about societal approval and more about your own comfort and confidence. Style icons like Joan Collins and Brigitte Macron have embraced their romances with younger men, flouting convention with glamour and wit. Macron, after all, is 25 years older than her husband, the president of France; she is both unashamed and deeply loved.
To answer the perennial, slightly cheeky question: you can date anyone as young as makes you feel alive, without treating dating as an exercise in denial or conquest. Consider 40-45 as a lower boundary for minimising the “Mrs. Robinson Effect” and maximising shared life experience. But truly, if you click with a younger man and you’re both adults, confident and open, looking “silly” is simply what other people do when confronted with their own prejudices. Men have done it forever; now the script is yours.
Let the conversations with your grown-up children – and with yourself – be honest, light-hearted, and loving. As long as your choices are made with joy, kindness and mutual respect, your only “job” is to continue living your own bold, beautiful story.
Proudly Australian owned and operated