By Bess Strachan, Sex & Relationships Writer
It is a truth universally acknowledged – though rarely admitted over Sunday lunch – that while we adore our grandchildren, we may not wish to spend every waking hour in their company. Yes, they are endlessly fascinating (and inexplicably sticky), but what begins as a joyful Tuesday afternoon of Lego may, if left unchecked, turn into a full-blown, seven-days-a-week unpaid childcare arrangement.
The role of grand-parenting is, at its best, a delicious luxury: all the fun, none of the report cards. But in a world where work schedules are brutal, childcare costs eye-watering and family units more stretched than ever, many grandparents find themselves cast in the role of “on-call auxiliary parent.”
Of course, some relish it – the daily school run keeps them young, the noise fills an empty house. For others, however, there is a creeping realisation: their own lives are being quietly erased in favour of year-round babysitting. And yet, how can you say “enough” without sounding as though you’re turning your back on your beloved little ones?
Boundaries in grand-parenting are not about affection – they are about sustainability. Much like oxygen masks on aeroplanes, you cannot be at your best for the grandchildren if you are depleted yourself. Sacrificing your hobbies, friendships or simply your quiet time can foster fatigue or even resentment – and small children, sensitive creatures that they are, notice more than we think.
Whether that is one day a week or one weekend a month, clarity is kinder than quietly stewing. Let your adult children know your preferred schedule before one-off requests become expectations.
Rather than decline outright, suggest an alternative date, time or activity. “We can’t have them Tuesday, but how about a pancake breakfast on Saturday?” has a warmer ring than “No, sorry, we can’t.”
Pencil in your commitments before the childcare requests come in – even if those commitments are simply a yoga class or an afternoon in the garden.
Remember: Saying No To The Parents Is Not Rejecting The Children
Refusing a Tuesday evening doesn’t mean you love your grandchildren any less; it means you value balance – for everyone.
Like a good dinner party, grandparent visits are happiest when they end with energy (yours and theirs) still intact.
There is no universal formula. Some thrive on constant contact; others find joy in the occasional, special weekend. The trick is to be honest, respectful and consistent. As with so much in family life, it is less about how much time you give than about the spirit in which you give it. You need to preserve enough of yourself to keep giving for years to come.
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