Fore! 3 golf jokes to celebrate the Aussie Open

The Australian Open golf tees off today, so it feels like the perfect moment to share a little golfing humour. Whether you’re a devoted fan, a weekend hacker or someone who just enjoys watching the pros make it look easy, golf has always inspired some of the best (and most painfully relatable) jokes. So before the first ball is struck and the leaderboard begins to shift, here are three golf jokes to give you a smile and start the tournament with a laugh.

No 1: A man and a friend are playing golf one day. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer. His friend says: “Wow! That is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You are truly a kind man.” The other man replies, “Yeah, well, we were married 35 years.”

No 2: Charlie and Bruce – both low handicappers – were flying around the course and having a great round before they came up behind two women playing together and they suddenly had to wait on every single shot.

“I think I’ll go up and ask if we can play through,” said Charlie.

“Good idea.”

Charlie walks about 50 yards towards them, makes a quick U-turn and heads back to Bruce.

“I thought you were going to ask if we could play through?”

“I was – but when I got close enough, I realized that’s my wife playing golf with my mistress.”

“Are you sure? Lemme go take a look.”

Bruce gets about 50 yards up the fairway, quick U-turn and comes right back to Charlie.

“What that a coincidence” he said.

No 3: Grandfather, father and son ready to tee off when starter assigns them a fourth, a stunningly beautiful woman. Each of them are quite distracted the entire round, she’s just that hot. On the 18th green she’s got a very long par putt and says, “you guys have been awesome to let me join you, and I’ve played the best round of my life. Whoever can help me sink this final putt to break 90, well, she said smiling, I’ll give you whatever you ask for”. The young man rushes over and eyes the line and says, “oh you’ll need to hit this one, its more uphill than it looks”. The Father takes his turn, stares intently and says, “ I see it moving hard right early, then pretty straight up the hill”. The Grandfather walks over, takes a quick peek, and says “its a gimme”.