6 Marriage Jokes That Are Painfully Accurate (And Hilariously True)

Marriage: the only lifelong contract where the fine print gets longer every year.

From burnt dinners to bickering over nothing (and everything), these six classic jokes capture the glorious absurdity of wedded life. If you’ve ever nodded along mid-argument just to keep the peace, these are for you.

I always wanted to marry Mrs. Right. I just didn’t know her first name would be “Always.”

An old woman is sitting at a bar when an older gentleman sits down beside her. “So,” he says, “do I come here often?”

My doctor told me I need to sweat daily, so I told him I’d start disobeying my wife.

My husband cooks for me like I’m a goddess — by placing burnt offerings before me.

Bickering with your spouse is like trying to read the Terms of Use for a new service. In the end, you just give up and click “I agree.”

After a big fight, my wife yelled at me, “You know, I was a fool when I married you.” So I replied, “That may be true, but I was in love and didn’t notice it.”