The funniest Letter to the Editor collection

Letters to the Editor are a proud part of newspaper history, but with more and more going out of print there are fears it could soon become a thing of the past.

In honour of the rich tradition, and in hope it will inspire people to keep on writing in, here is a collection of some of the quirkiest letters to make it to print..

Rose-coloured glasses

Could the media stop using the phrase “otherwise law-abiding” when describing people who have broken the law? You’ll be referring to the likes of Harold Shipman as an “otherwise law-abiding” murderer next.
Graham Martin-Royle
Sunday Times

The modern world

SIR – My first thought on seeing your headline, “Pupils to be taught about sex at seven” was, “What, in the morning?”
When I was a child, the school day began with prayer. But you can’t stop progress.
Peter Homer
Highworth, Wiltshire

SIR – I’ve often wondered whether Britain’s education system is in a state of decline. Then I visited Google and started to type, “Can I get…”. Before I finished my query the first suggested search in the drop-down list appeared: “Can I get pregnant from a dog?”. Now I know.
Robin Whiting
Castle Rising, Norfolk

Getting real

Our leading bishops demand hard evidence of Saddam Hussein’s possessions of weapons of mass destruction. If we were to demand the same level of proof from their profession, they would all be out of a job.
Avril Segal
Times, January 21

Bath time

SIR – Perusing the papers today, I was struck by the number of advertisements for walk-in baths, each of which featured an attractive blonde of around 42, pictured either entering or leaving the bath in a swimsuit via the side door. Is there any particular reason for this age group of blonde ladies requiring walk-in baths? I suspect it may be related to wine but perhaps I have missed something.
Robert Hill
Irby, Wirral

SIR – If I tried balancing my drink on the side of the bath, as suggested by one of your correspondents, I would probably end up with coq au vin.
Michael Talamo
Carshalton, Surrey

SIR – A current West Sussex NHS advertisement on the back of a bus states: “You are twice as likely to have unprotected sex after heavy drinking”.
Another pint, please, landlord.
Robert Price
Haywards Heath, West Sussex

SIR – I have a soft spot for Sarah Ferguson; my dream girl looked like her and she reminds me of a boisterous Labrador, my favourite breed of dog.
Mark Taha
London SE26

Beyond the grave

Why is it when someone dies they are spoken of highly despite their shortcomings in life? Of Lord Jenkins it was said: “He was one of the most remarkable people to grace British politics … He had intellect, vision and integrity.” The fact is he was a turncoat, an intellectual snob and partly responsible for Thatcherism.
M Roberts
Daily Mirror, January 15

Think of the animals

SIR – Could you sometimes leave a picture of Martin Johnson out of your sport supplement? We all know by now what he looks like – poor fellow – and you are frightening the horses.
J.G.
Walton on the Naze, Essex

Effective solutions/strong>

SIR – There is a brilliant and simple solution to the controversy over racial profiling at airports. All passengers will be required to step into a booth that scans for explosive devices and automatically detonates any device found. Harmless individuals will be released immediately after being scanned. Muffled explosions, contained within the booth, will be followed by an announcement that a seat has become available for standby passengers.
It’s a win-win for everyone.
Robert Readman
Bournemouth, Dorset

Fashion fail

SIR – As David Cameron struggles to save money, he could well look at Sport, Culture, Art and Music (SCAM), which have drained the British taxpayer of some £560 million every year for the last 20 years, to the benefit of no one except the thousands of luvvies that this money keeps in fine corduroy style.
Surely they could do just as well down a coal mine, if only to marvel at the wonder of it all.
Malcolm Parkin
Kinnesswood, Kinross

SIR – I have to admit that I misjudged the strength of feeling by public-sector workers against the cuts – right up to the moment I tried to reduce by 25 per cent the amount of housekeeping money I give to my wife.
Hugh Stewart-Smith
London E11

Flying solo

SIR – Am I alone in hating Ryanair more than the Taliban and liquorice combined?
Chris Sandilands
Carousel 1, Stansted Airport

Shopping disasters

SIR – A recent article reported that confectionery manufacturers were discreetly shrinking the size of their chocolate bars. Is the same thing happening to men’s underwear, or am I just getting older?
Michael Cattell
Chester

SIR – On being given a banana for the first time, during the Second World War, I ate it with the skin on. I also did this with an orange. Happily, I was later shown the correct way to eat a banana and an orange and grew to like them very much.
George E. Bryant
Bassingham, Lincolnshire

Which is your favourite? Have you ever written a letter to the editor? Ps SAS happily accepts such letters if you wish to drop us a line.