The real reason the men in your life are bald…

The real reason many men in our lives are bald today is … they are lazy.  Or at least, I am.

I’m a bald man, not far off sixty in fact and I chose the path to bald a few years ago quite actively.  I shaved my partially balding head because I was going white and didn’t want to admit it to myself.   Not everyone is the same!  Some do it because they like the feeling. Some do it because it’s easy to look after.  Some do it because it covers up the fact it’s disappearing. Some do it because they simply can’t be bothered to look after it properly.   There are so many reasons people choose to shave their head… But what your husband probably isn’t telling you is that it’s not because he prefers the clean shaven look, it’s probably because he is just lazy!

Have you ever stopped to consider what it would be like to lie in bed with a shaved head or a balding head?  When a bald person moves their head on their pillow at night there is barely a whisper of sound – but a shaved head, particularly if it was shaved more than a day prior, sounds like someone rubbing 40-grit sandpaper on cement. It’s true – I wake my wife up with it (er, …unintentionally). This also involves what I call the gradation factor – how much and where is the said scalp totally lacking hair – this is generally due to male pattern baldness, where genetic and environmental factors play a role.

Classic  hair loss in males begins above the temples and top of the scalp.  Then the baldness gradually peels out until all that is left is the rear and the sides of the head, think of Robin Hood’s friend, Friar Tuck.  Everyday hair loss rarely progresses to complete baldness. 

Laziness is my hallmark – I have a mildly receding hairline and plenty of grey. I gradually shortened my haircut to a number 4 electric razor (leaving hair about a centimetre long). Super easy to look after, although trips to the barber were getting shorter with the shorter style. My partner is 12 years younger than I, and every time we went out holding hands people looked at me like I was a paedophile! So I shaved my head – now I am totally invisible. In fact people are always amazed when they find out how ancient I really am. But the best part for me is that I rarely look into a mirror – a humungous saving on broken glass. I shave in the shower (it takes about 4 minutes) and my make-up is done for the day.

In 2001, after taking about 15 minutes to convince my barber that I really did want it all taken off, it took him about two minutes. I walked out of the barber’s about 5 grams lighter, and I was amazed that in every other shop I entered I could tell the temperature difference down to 0.1 of a degree! That sensitivity wore off gradually over a year, and now I don’t wear a beanie unless I’m in the snow.

Heaps of actors and sports stars have followed my courageous lead and now, or at least occasionally, boast a shaved head: Vin Diesel, Dwayne ‘the Rock’ Johnson, Sinead O’Connor, Matt Damon, Natalie Portman, Patrick Stewart, Charlize Theron, Angelina Jolie, Bruce Willis, LL Cool J, Stanley Tucci, Ving Rhames, Kelly Slater, Michael Jordan, Jason Statham, Samuel L. Jackson, Ben Kingsley, Woody Harrelson and Damon Wayans to name a few.

The downsides

I go through Gillette G3 razors like a whirlwind. I have cut myself – very minimally about six times over 13 years, and it always was when I was in a hurry. If I don’t shave every day, my head becomes a giant piece of velcro – I can put a towel on part of my scalp and it just hangs there! I didn’t like it at first, but now I just ignore people who call me ‘bald’. Much as I hate wearing a hat, I have become sun-smart.

The upsides

It’s probably my imagination, but many women seem to like a shaved head. They often want to rub my head for luck…do I really look like Buddha? I never have to check myself in a mirror before I go out. I don’t go through hair products at an ever-increasing cost to both me and the environment.

Sidelines

Did you ever wonder why many boxers, wrestlers and MMA fighters have shaved heads? Surprisingly, it’s often so that they can push their head into their opponent’s face to cause either severe discomfort or even break their skin.

Men with shaved heads are perceived to be more masculine, dominant and, in some cases, to have greater leadership potential than those with longer locks or with thinning hair, according to a recent study out of the University of Pennsylvania’s Wharton School.

So the lesson here, grasshoppers, is that naturally bald men rock! They look cool, and they do nothing to maintain the look…and they’re very, very quiet.

So, do you think the men (or women) in your life are bald out of laziness, necessity or because they choose to make it their signature style? Tell us in the comments below…