‘I love my mum but she’s overbearing’: How to deal with a pushy grandma?

Jun 10, 2021
One mother has taken her new role as grandmother a step too far. Source: Pixabay

Becoming a grandparent for the first time can be incredibly exciting, but one overly-keen grandmother has taken it a step too far — according to her daughter anyway.

The frustrated daughter has taken to online forum Reddit to ask for advice after revealing her mother is spending too much time with her new family. The anonymous woman said while she knows her mum comes from a good place, she’s not sure how to tell her nicely to back off. She added that she wants to be extra sensitive to her mother’s feelings as her sibling passed away some time ago, so she’s the only child her mother has left.

I love my mom and for complicated reasons (being an only child as my sibling passed away), it’s hard for me to see her disappointed,” she wrote. “My mum can be pretty pushy though and at times overbearing.”

The daughter went on to say that she and her husband moved a city closer to her mum when she had the baby. “She already came up for almost three weeks after baby was born and honestly towards the end was driving us both crazy,” she said. “She can be very critical and wanted to do all the house cleaning and laundry, which was helpful at first until she [started] pointing out how we were doing things wrong (she didn’t like how we did our laundry or shop for food etc).”

And it’s only getting worse. The daughter said her mum is back for the weekend, which she says is fine, but she and her husband have been invited to a BBQ for his work colleague’s wife’s birthday. Much to surprise, her mum asked if she could go too.

“Honestly, it feels awkward to invite her and my husband really doesn’t want to ask his work colleague if his MIL [mother-in-law] can go,” she said. “My mum doesn’t understand why it’s a big deal/doesn’t think it would be rude to ask, and told me it’s rude of me not to invite her.

“I love my mom and it causes me a lot of anxiety to see her hurt. I don’t know how to handle this situation with the BBQ. It just feels awkward to bring her along when it’s going to be his work friends and they are going to be discussing probably work stuff. I hardly know them and find these events boring sometimes.”

Reddit users were quick to offer up advice, with the majority saying she should address the issue before it gets out of hand.

One commenter said it’s rude of her mother to try and invite herself someone else’s birthday. While another said it’s only going to get worse if she doesn’t say something. “If you don’t correct her interactions with you, you will end up resenting her,” they said.

Another suggested asking her mum to babysit for the night, writing, “I would ask her if she minds babysitting. Tell her you really wanted the alone time with your husband. I would also say something that if she’s uncomfortable she’s more than welcome to come to the BBQ, but you really wanted a night out without the baby.”

What are your thought on this? Do you think the daughter has every right to tell her mum she's overstepping?

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