‘My daughter-in-law and her family do our head in’

Getting along with your adult son or daughter’s partner isn’t always easy and for one grandmother, she’s having a particularly difficult time with her own daughter-in-law.

Taking to internet forum Gransnet, a woman explained that her daughter-in-law became pregnant four years ago and turned to the woman and her husband for financial help. She wasn’t married to their son at the time, but asked for assistance when it came to private doctors.

The woman and her husband obliged but noticed that their daughter-in-law’s attitude towards them changed when the baby arrived. On the day of the birth, she refused to let them see the baby, only allowing her own family to see the newborn.

“We were very hurt by this but understand that girls gravitate to their own families so we let it go,” the woman wrote.

Read more: ‘My daughter-in-law wants to pay me to babysit’

When they eventually saw the baby on the second day, they were confronted by rude family members who forced them to wait outside until they’d finished spending time with the new baby. Four years later, things are still bad for the woman and her husband.

She explained that they’re treated like “second class citizens”, despite paying for half of the wedding between their son and daughter-in-law. When their second grandchild was born, they weren’t told about his arrival until his due date.

The woman has now set up a special bank account for both her grandchildren, although their daughter-in-law wants to have signature rights to the bank account and understandably, the woman is confused why she and her husband are being treated this way by their daughter-in-law.

“How do I get back on track?” She asked. “Or do we just ignore the bad behaviour and praise the good… My DIL [daughter-in-law] and her family do our head in.”

She also explained that she and her husband are in a better financial situation and asked if anyone else had experienced something similar.

Read more: Gran’s heartbreak: ‘Daughter-in-law won’t let us visit our new grandchild’

Plenty of people offered their opinions on the matter.

One person wrote: “Do you have any idea why your DiL is so defensive with you. Sometimes when there is an economic gap between two sides of a family those at the lower end are often very defensive and assume that the wealthier family look down on them, despise them and consider them ‘trash’ especially if they have been dependent on benefits.”

Another comment read: “So often on we hear of problems with DiL’s – where are all the sons in this and surely they have to take some responsibility in allowing their wives to treat their mothers like this.”

A third added: “It’s your money to gift as you see fit so tell her she won’t be added to the account.”

Have you ever had problems with your daughter-in-law or son-in-law? How did you overcome those problems?