One afternoon the bartender was explaining the Buffalo Theory to his buddy. Here’s how it went: “Well ya see, it’s like this; a herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first.
“This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members.
“In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first.
“In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That’s why you always feel smarter after a few beers.”
All the grandkids were visiting for their grandparents house. Before dinner, Grandma made a lengthy speech about being thankful for her extra-special blessings, her four grandchildren.
Two seconds after she stopped speaking, all hell broke loose and the kids were yelling and grabbing for the home-made rolls. Grandma sat there, eyes closed with a tight squint on her face. When asked what was the matter, she replied: “I’m just praying for a little patience to handle all these blessings.”
A 4-year-old boy was asked to pray before dinner. The family members bowed their heads in expectation. He began his prayer, thanking the Lord for all his friends, naming them one by one.
Then he thanked the Lord for Mummy, Daddy, brother, sister, Grandma, Grandpa and all his aunts and uncles. Then he began to thank the Lord for the food. He gave thanks for the turkey, the dressing, the fruit salad, the pies, the cakes, even the sauce.
Then he paused, and everyone waited patiently.
After a long silence, the young fellow looked up at his mother and asked: “If I thank the Lord for the broccoli, won’t he know that I’m lying?”