Does your competitiveness destroy your friendships?

A little healthy competition can be good, but constant competition between friends, however, can cause jealously, anger and even destroy the friendship.

Most of the time, competition in a friendship is caused by insecurity and conceitedness on the part of one or both friends. One person feels less-than or unimportant, thus tries to be noticed and overcompensates by competing.

Fortunately, there are ways to avoid such behaviour and stop competition in a friendship, says eHow.

Compliment your friend often
Tell her things like “Is that a new skirt? You look great today” and “You are so talented”. Occasionally talk up your friend when you both are around other people so she can hear how much you think of her and value your friendship. Your friend will most likely start to reciprocate this behaviour and start to compliment you as well.

Monitor your own competitiveness
Take a look inside yourself — is it possible that you’re being competitive instead of just sharing good news? Before telling your friend about the new car you just bought, ask yourself why you want to tell him. Is it because you saved up years to afford the car or vacation and are excited or is it simply because you want to brag? Become aware of your intentions before saying anything.

Phrase what you say to your friend carefully so as to not sound like a braggart
Instead of saying “I’m going on an all-expense paid trip to Hawaii for nine days. We’re staying at the most luxurious and expensive hotel and it’s going to be amazing,” downplay your vacation. Instead, say something like “I’ve been saving up for this Hawaiian vacation for five years. It will be nice to finally take a break from life”. You can get your point across about how you’re looking forward to your vacation without endlessly bragging about the details.

Refuse to partake in the competitiveness
If your friend starts to compete with you and match or beat what you are saying, let him. Whatever you do, don’t counter his competitiveness with your own. While it may be frustrating to hold it in and listen to your friend, he may eventually stop trying to compete with you if don’t make any competitive comments around him.

Talk to your friend and tell her how you feel
Be delicate in your approach and do not confront her. Sit her down and calmly explain that you feel like your friendship with her is one giant competition. Provide examples of situations and conversations when your friend tried to one-up you and overshadow you and how it made you feel. Listen to her responses and try to come to a solution to the problem together.

Are you naturally competitive?