I need to acknowledge a universal truth – like any other industry, there are amazing practitioners, mediocre practitioners and bloody awful practitioners. They get into medical school based on their good grades, not their exceptional personalities.
While some people are happy to forgo communication skills for smarts, I’d rather work with healthcare professionals who have both. These unicorns exist, and while finding the right ones can take some time, here are some easy red flags to avoid:
If you don’t feel seen or heard
You’ve done the work to get clear on your goal, conveyed it clearly and don’t feel like they’re listening. Feel free to say it again – slower, clearer and more direct. If you still aren’t getting what you need, ask them to be clearer with you. It’s okay to say something like: ‘I feel like I’m not being heard here. Can we start again?’
If they don’t respect your time
Doctors often run late. Their rooms are filled with unknowns and as such their days can be filled with delays. They may be seeing patients while simultaneously managing oversight of other patients at another clinic or hospital, checking results or having their own life issues. They don’t run late for fun, so go prepared to wait and then give them some grace when you have to.
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But if you feel like they always run late, never apologise for keeping you waiting and then make you feel rushed while you’re there – like you’re taking up too much of their precious time – you’re in the wrong place.
However, remember that you have more latitude with who you see in the private system than the public system, so you may need to be realistic about your strategy if you’re in the public system, or come up with some ways to work better with who is available to you.
If they doctor-speak you
This is getting rarer now, but sometimes doctors will use big, fancy medical words because it makes them feel clever. Wrapping your head around some of the terminology is a smart move, but if you don’t understand them, tell them so. Say something like, ‘I don’t understand, can you please explain it to me again in simple terms?’
Your doctors have a responsibility and duty of care to take you through your options or results to whatever level of detail you need, which is the reason you don’t usually get sent results directly – they need to give them some context in terms of your unique situation. General practitioners (GPs) are great decoders and may be able to dedicate more time to going through details with you than a specialist may have available.
And, know that your results belong to you. Always ask for a copy, printed or emailed, to take home with you. If you have opted in to an online record system like My Health Record (which we have in Australia), your results should go there directly – but check to make sure that’s the case and ensure you know how to access them.
If they belittle or bully you
No one has the right to make you feel small, stupid or silly – not even doctors. If they do, you need to call it out, report it and find someone else right away.
If they don’t want you to get a second opinion
Good doctors welcome a second opinion – they’re happy for someone to sense-check their thinking. Great doctors may even recommend someone to get one from and share their details with you. They’re not cagey or protective of their contacts, but secure enough in their work and also in knowing they’re not for everyone – you might work better with a younger doctor, a female doctor, or someone with a similar cultural background to you. They just want you to get the best care.
If you can’t get in to see them within a reasonable timeframe
If you need acute care (so you need to see your GP quickly, for example), you need to be able to get in to see them or someone within their practice within a reasonable timeframe (usually a few days but, depending on where you live, this can be much longer – especially for those who live regionally, rurally or remotely). Specialists are harder to get appointments with and you need to use your common sense here depending on what the issue is. But if your specialist is booking nine months in advance and you need to see them sooner, it may be time to find someone else or to bust out your negotiation skills.
Edited extract from Next of Kin: What to Expect When You’re Expecting to Care for Someone You Love (Wiley $34.95) by Casey Beros. Visit www.caseyberos.com
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