Relationships expert Bess Strachan answers a question from a member of the Starts at 60 community.
Q: I’m 60, recently divorced, and I need to take in a flatmate to help pay the bills. Do I look for someone my age, my gender, or do I go for someone younger – perhaps an overseas student – who won’t want to talk to me much? I never thought this is how my golden years would be.
A: First, let’s take a breath and honour that last line. Because that’s the real ache beneath your question. No one pictures their sixties starting with housemate ads and rental agreements. We imagine this stage of life to be settled – the mortgage manageable, the home quiet, the partner still beside us. But life, with its own plans, sometimes hits reset. And here you are – newly single, responsible, and practical enough to make the smart call to share your space.
But this isn’t a failure. It’s an evolution. You’re adapting – and that’s something to be proud of.
Option 1: A flatmate your own age
A housemate your age can be a joy. You likely share similar daily rhythms: quiet mornings, dinner before 8pm, and no interest in spontaneous drum circles in the lounge room. You’ll probably appreciate the same music, remember when Countdown meant Molly Meldrum, and value a tidy kitchen.
The potential trap? Emotional entanglement. It’s easy for same-age flatmates to slide into friendship or dependency that blurs boundaries. If you’re still finding your footing post-divorce, you need time and emotional space to rediscover you. Choose companionship carefully – warm but not overwhelming.
Option 2: A younger person (even a student)
Don’t dismiss this idea. Younger housemates – particularly overseas students or early-career professionals – can bring energy and independence. They’re often busy, respectful, and happy to keep to themselves.
The key is clear communication: set expectations about chores, bills, noise, and guests. You’re not running a sharehouse, but you also don’t want to play parent.
The beauty of this arrangement is balance. You offer a stable, welcoming home; they offer rent and, occasionally, help with the Wi-Fi. Some of the most successful home-share stories are intergenerational – both people gaining perspective from the other. You might end up learning a new recipe, a new app, or a new way of looking at life.
Option 3: The opposite gender
Trickier, but not impossible. Opposite-gender house shares can be wonderfully platonic and mutually respectful – provided everyone knows where the boundaries lie. It can even bring a refreshing dynamic to your home, as long as it stays firmly in the “flatmate” category and not the “romantic subplot” one.
What really matters
Forget age, gender or nationality for a moment. What you’re truly looking for is compatibility. Someone who respects your home, your peace, your space – and pays rent on time.
When interviewing potential flatmates, listen to your instincts. If someone feels wrong in the first 10 minutes, it won’t improve by week ten.
Check out mature home-sharing sites such as flatmates.com.au. Some even specialise in intergenerational pairings – connecting older homeowners with younger renters for affordable, balanced living.
A new kind of freedom
Yes, it’s not the retirement fantasy you once had. But this next chapter isn’t about what you’ve lost – it’s about what you can still build. A new friendship, a sense of security, maybe even a little laughter over a shared pot of tea.
You’re not giving up your independence by taking in a flatmate. You’re protecting it.
Because sometimes, the most surprising chapters in life begin with the words: “I never thought I’d be doing this at 60.”
And those chapters? They often turn out to be the best ones.
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