New parenting advice: Shouting as bad as smacking kids

Most Baby Boomers will remember getting a swift whack on the behind if they misbehaved in front of mum or dad as kids, but it seems new-age parents’ attempts to find a softer approach to punishment have gone so far in the opposite direction that not even shouting at naughty youngsters is allowed anymore.

Australian parenting author and father of six, Dr Justin Coulson appeared on the Today show at the weekend where he argued that yelling at children can have the same harmful effects as smacking.

“Yelling unfortunately seems to have similar effects, especially if it’s pervasive enough and ongoing, to hitting,” he told Today.

“The same parts of the brain are activated, the same fear mechanisms as smacking, the same neurotransmitters are released and it leads to some fairly harmful psychological effects over time.”

Coulston’s advice is backed up by a recent study from the University of Texas, which found that yelling makes children more aggressive both physically and verbally.

The findings are in line with modern parenting techniques that encourage mums and dads to constantly praise their children when they do something good, and practice looking in the mirror and saying, “I am your father/mother, not your friend”.

Other more extreme techniques, such as ‘gentle parenting’, advise parents to ask permission before picking up or hugging their child.

Earlier this year, author and educator Deanne Carson went viral for all the wrong reasons when she appeared on ABC and said parents should ask newborn babies for consent before changing their dirty nappies.

“[It’s] about how to set up a culture of consent in their homes. So, ‘I’m going to change your nappy now. Is that okay?’” Carson said at the time.

“Of course, a baby is not going to respond: ‘Yes mum, that’s awesome! I’d love to have my nappy changed’, but if you leave a space and wait for body language and wait to make eye contact, then you’re letting that child know that their response matters.”

Read more: ‘Parents should ask before changing baby’s nappy’

While new-age parenting techniques may seem too soft to some of those who grew up in strict households where mum and dad ruled with an iron fist, research has shown that children who grow up in homes with a gentler approach to discipline have less behavioural problems later in life.

Speaking on Today, Coulston advised that rather than yelling at kids when they do something naughty, parents are better off speaking softly and gently reminding them their bad behaviour is not appreciated.

“The best thing to do, rather than speaking louder, they can already hear you, speak softly,” he said.

“When we speak softly it actually brings more attention to what we’re saying, people focus so much more carefully because we’re speaking so softly. When we’re speaking loudly there’s almost no need to listen.”

What are your thoughts on this? Did you get smacked as a kid? Did you ever smack at your kids?