Relationships

The youngest wins when it comes to a parent’s favourite child

Apr 06, 2018

Who is your favourite child? Studies say that the youngest usually takes the cake. Source: Pexels.

Parents aren’t supposed to have a favourite child but while most mothers and fathers would say that they love all their children equally, there’s sometimes a special place in their heart for one child.

Whether it’s forming a special bond with a kid or another child driving them absolutely bonkers, you’d imagine there’s a logical reason why parents lean towards a particular individual, but a new study conducted by parenting and grandparenting forums Mumsnet and Gransnet found that it’s actually all in the birth order.

Parents typically favour their youngest child over their eldest, with 56 per cent of the 1,185 parents surveyed saying that their youngest child was their favourite. In contrast, just 26 per cent said that their eldest was their favourite. There were no questions asked about the middle child – which would no doubt confirm the suspicions of middle children everywhere that they are overlooked in the family pecking order!

The survey found that parents tended to share a sense of humour with their favourite kid, with 51 per cent of respondents admitting that their favourite made them laugh more than their other kids. And, while you may think parents base their decision on a child they see themselves in, more than half of parents said their favourite child didn’t remind them of themselves.

Probably unsurprisingly, parents also favour a child that gets in the least amount of trouble, with 61 per cent of parents admitting that their other kids are more “tricky” or “demanding” than their preferred child. Again, there’s no mention as to whether these children may seem more tricky or demanding because they’re painfully aware they aren’t the favoured offspring!

In addition, 74 per cent of parents liked their favourite child because they are very affectionate or unconditional in the love they showed toward the parent.

Although the parents were happy to anonymously provide the information for the survey, having a favourite isn’t something they’re proud of. In total, 55 per cent of parents said that having a favourite children was an “awful thing to do”, while 60 per cent said they were ashamed to actually have a favourite child. In addition, 78 per cent said that having a favourite was damaging for the other children, while just one per cent said they weren’t actually sure if their kids knew who the favourite in the family was.

Starts at 60 recently asked readers if they thought it was wrong for grandparents or parents to favour a child over another. Readers offered their own insights as to why parents and grandparents sometimes play favourites.

“I love all my grandkids the same, just as I always have my children. I don’t know how anyone could have a favourite!” one reader said. “They are all unique and they all have my unconditional love forever.”

But another said she did tend to have a favourite, depending on which child needed her most at the time. “I often had a favourite of my two children,” she said. “It was the one who was sick. The one who needed homework help. The one who was sad for some reason.”

Another reader noted pointed out that while parents and grandparents may well prefer one child over another, the essential thing was to never let the children know.

“I remember sitting around visiting with my cousins and siblings after my grandmother passed away,” she recalled. “Each one of us thought we were her favourite as she made us each feel that way. Now that I’m a grandmother I try to do the same with my grandkids. They all are special in their own unique ways.”