‘How do I stop giving?’: Hurt mother slams ‘selfish’ son

A mother has ignited an online debate after revealing her “selfish” and “thoughtless” son and daughter-in-law did “nothing special” for her on Mother’s Day.

The anonymous woman took to Gransnet to ask for advice. Posting on the online forum, she wrote: “It’s mother’s day today in my part if [sic] the world. My adult daughter bought me a beautiful gift and card, but as usual my adult son did nothing special.”

The grandmother went on to explain that she only received a text from her son on the day, and that he hasn’t bought her a single gift or a card for a few years now.

She added: “He is thoughtless and I have accepted it, or so I thought, but it really hurts this year.”

Read more: Debate after mum admits she loves her husband more than kids

She went on to say that her son and daughter-in-law recently had a baby, adding: “I have given them so much support over the past six months”. The mother explained that her son and his wife always rely on her both emotionally and financially, but she gets nothing in return.

“I am sad that my DIL [daughter-in-law] hasn’t found it in her heart to even wish me a happy Mother’s Day,” she wrote. “I am so over giving and getting nothing in return. It isn’t the monetary value, I don’t want expensive gifts, I just want a token of appreciation.

“What can I do to just accept my son and his wife are selfish and thoughtless?” she asked. “How do I stop giving?”

The post generated plenty of responses with many telling her not to “take it personally”. But how can a mother not take rejection and neglect from her children personally? 

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One user advised: “If he has a six month old and is a new father, his mind will be elsewhere. Don’t take it personally – just enjoy being grandma.”

While another added: “Yes, I do think your son is thoughtless, but you’re not going to change him now. Just accept that and take pleasure from your daughter’s gift.”

A third wrote: “I have three sons, sometimes they remember to text or phone on Mothers Day, sometimes not. It is just another day and I really don’t feel I need a particular day for them to tell me they care about me.”

However, others told the mother not to blame the daughter-in-law adding, “What about your dils [daughter-in-law] first mother’s day? Have you acknowledged that with her? She is the mother of your grandchild now, send her a text to acknowledge that this is now a special day for her too.”

While the woman’s plight is no doubt difficult, it’s one many mothers find themselves in after their kids have grown and flown the coup. Many Starts at 60 readers have spoken out about their strained relationships with their children and how they wish things could be different. 

For many, they feel it’s their children who aren’t reciprocating the effort and attention that’s been devoted to them over the years, leaving mothers feeling hurt and rejected. 

What are your thoughts on this? Do you have this problem with your kids?