Gran debates going behind son’s back to teach grandson a lesson

It’s no secret that when it comes to raising kids, some grandparents think they know best having successfully raised a brood themselves. However, finding a balance when it comes to watching your kids raise your grandkids can be difficult and many grandparents find it difficult not to interfere. 

That’s the situation one grandmother has found herself after asking fellow grandparents if it’s okay to go behind her son’s back to teach her grandson a lesson. Posting in online forum Gransnet, the woman explained that her five-year-old grandson stays over most Friday night, but still wears a pull-up nappy to bed – something she thinks he’s much too old for. 

The woman said her son insists her grandson wears a nappy as it disrupts his sleep if he wets himself. 

“Shall I just keep putting a pull up on him or should I let him feel what it’s like to wet the bed as I think that’s how he will learn to stay dry?” she asked readers.

Read more: Grandparenting dilemma: ‘I want my granddaughters to eat faster’

Readers, however, weren’t as forgiving, advising the grandmother to stay out of it. “Your DS [darling son] has given you the instructions to follow, so follow them. It’s not up to you and it’s not your child, so you don’t get to decide what’s best, they do,” one commentator wrote.

Another reader said they couldn’t understand why this would be a problem, adding her grandson was six before he stopped wetting the bed. “I don’t see why this would bother you. He stays overnight, one night each week, so let this go. He isn’t your child and this isn’t your business. My GS was 6 before he was dry at night – honestly it’s not a big deal.”

And a third wrote: “I think it is probably best not to do anything without the parents consent, many family rifts have happened over this sort of thing.”

Read more: ‘Should I say something?’: Woman annoyed at daughter’s parenting style

According to Ruth Nemzoff, the author of Don’t Bite Your Tongue: How to Foster Rewarding Relationships with Your Adult Children, parents are in charge when it comes to their children, so in most cases, grandparents should defer to them, even if their parenting approach is different.

On the other hand, some grandparents believe that children nowadays need more discipline. A recent study has found that three in five grandparents believe that today’s parenting styles are worse than when they were raising their own children. In fact, The Australian Seniors Series: Raising Modern Australia survey details some very interesting results. More than half of the 1,000 grandparents surveyed believe their grandkids are going to be less capable, self-sufficient, and resilient adults than their parents.

Do you agree with your children’s parenting style? Do you think it’s okay to interfere?