Relationships

‘I didn’t ask her permission’: Gran defies daughter over care of grandkids

Aug 23, 2018

One grandmother has found herself in hot water after going behind her daughter's back. Source: Getty

Finding a balance when it comes to watching your children raise their own children can be challenging, with many grandparents often finding it hard not to offer up their own opinions.

That’s the situation one grandmother has found herself in. Despite knowing her daughter wouldn’t agree to let her take her grandchildren to the beach, she did so anyway without telling her – sparking a huge family row.

Posting in online forum Gransnet, the woman claimed her “controlling” daughter doesn’t allow her grandkids to be children – something she doesn’t agree with. However, it sparked a wide debate from other grandparents – with many claiming she was wrong to ever defy her daughter’s wishes.

She wrote: “Today I took my gc [grandchildren] to the seaside. They really enjoyed it. I didn’t ask my daughter as I knew she would say no.”

The woman explained they got back a little late as they missed their train, adding: “D [daughter] was fuming saying I went behind her back.

“She said I could have them for the day and she knew we were going out all day. I just didn’t tell her where,” she explained.

The woman added when she asked her daughter why she was mad, she replied with a skimpy explanation.

“Her husband’s m [mum] and h [sic] take them out, and she herself took them to another seaside resort, so why could I not do the same?” She asked.

“I am really puzzled by this. Yes I understand I went behind her back. But the [grandchildren] never go anywhere. She doesn’t allow them to be children everything is controlled by her and other GP [grandparents].”

Readers, however, weren’t as forgiving, advising the grandmother to stay out of it. “I would never go against the wishes of my grandchildren’s parents. To look after our DGC [darling grandchildren] is a privilege,” one commentator wrote.

Another added: “Would it have been possible for you to ring or text her to say you were going to be late back? Your daughter was probably worried. I don’t mean to be unkind but it will probably anger your daughter if you do things behind her back.”

And a third wrote: “Grandparenting isn’t a competition. It’s really none of your business where the other grandparents take someone else’s children.”

On the other hand, some grandparents agreed with the grandmother, adding: “Well, if other people are allowed to take them then I think you are entitled to an explanation as to why you’re not!”

Another wrote: “Why are people painting you as this disrespectful, selfish grandparent over a day out. I think it is your daughter who needs some lessons in respect.”