A young male race horse came from a long line of winners, and did wonderfully in workouts. However, in actual races he proved a little too romantic and could never quite bring himself to pass a mare. So one day the trainer went to him and told him he’d have to be castrated.
The young horse was hurt by the decision but took it philosophically. After all, having the operation was almost a certain guarantee of a long and illustrious racing career. After a short recovery period, the horse was again run in workouts and performed as well as ever.
But the first time he actually ran in a race, he only went about ten paces, before getting a dejected look on his face, turning around, and ambling back to the starting gates.
“What’s the matter?” asked the trainer. “You were doing great!”
“Yeah, well how would you feel,” replied the horse. “If five thousand people took one look at you and shouted ‘they’re off!’?”
An 86-year-old man loved to fish. One day he was sitting in his boat when he heard a voice say: “Pick me up.”
He looked around and couldn’t see anyone. He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice say again: “Pick me up.” He looked in the water and there, floating on the top was a frog.
The man said: “Are you talking to me?”
The frog said: “Yes, I’m talking to you. Pick me up. Then, kiss me and I’ll turn into the most beautiful woman you have ever seen. I’ll make sure that all your friends are envious and jealous because you will have me as your bride.”
The man looked at the frog for a short time, reached over, picked it up carefully, and placed it in his front breast pocket.
Then the frog said: “What, are you nuts? Didn’t you hear what I said? I said kiss me and I will be your beautiful bride.”
He opened his pocket, looked at the frog and said: “Nah, at my age I’d rather have a talking frog.”
In the men’s room at work, the boss had placed a sign directly above the sink. It had a single word on it: “Think!”
The next day, when he went to the men’s room, he looked at the sign and right below, immediately above the soap dispenser, someone had carefully lettered another sign which read: “Thoap!”