Despite ageist attitudes that a couple’s sex life goes downhill at a certain age, various studies have refuted such claims, finding that people over 60 are having better sex than any other demographic.
The research suggests that with age, comes “sexual wisdom” that unlocks some of the best sex of one’s life.
The 2016 study Sexual Quality of Life and Aging: A Prospective Study of a Nationally Representative Sample found that the “sexual wisdom” was linked to a focus on “quality—not quantity—of sex” for older people.
Overall, researchers involved in the study found that age overwhelmingly improved a person’s “sexual quality of life”.
As reported by the BBC, senior research fellow at Macquarie University in Sydney, Miriam Forbes, said that age brings the patience to learn what your sexual partner likes in the bedroom.
“With life experience, people might be learning more about their own sexual preferences and their partners’ likes and dislikes,” Forbes said.
Similarly, the 2019 study Why Do Older Adults Have Sex? Approach and Avoidance Sexual Motives Among Older Women and Men, found that older adults’ sexual preferences changed to “giving sex” over “getting sex”.
The study, involving 45 adults aged between 60-90, found that the over 60s sexual desire had switched “from lust to love”.
Speaking with Starts at 60, sexologist and sex therapist Dr Linda Kirkman said that her “research found that the baby boomer participants were having the best sex of their lives”.
Dr Kirkman affirmed that a “shift in mindset” from the standard “sexual script” can be life-changing, saying partners should have a conversation about desires and not be afraid to explore.
“Good sex does not have to include your genitals, it does not need an erect penis,” she said. “There’s some great toys that can help, and toys are a tool, not a threat.”
Dr Kirkman likened the use of sex toys to using a drill over a screwdriver, saying there is “no shame” in using a tool to assist you.
“It’s a great opportunity to have some exploration about ‘what kinds of pleasure have we not had yet, and what can we investigate?’,” Dr Kirkman said.
“If you have that curiosity and you’re being present for one another, you can use a sense of connection while you play. To take the time to ask what is it that you’ve really enjoyed, what haven’t you enjoyed and what you’re interested in to explore.”
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