Jokes

Six jokes that prove the best punchlines are always the ones you didn’t see coming

Jun 24, 2026

A man and his wife are dining at a table in a plush restaurant, and the husband keeps staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sits alone at a nearby table. The wife asks, “Do you know her?” “Yes,” sighs the husband, “she’s my ex-girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up seven years ago, and I hear she hasn’t been sober since.” “My God!” says the wife. “Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?”

Three boys are in the schoolyard bragging about their fathers. The first boy says, “My dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem, and they give him $50.” The second boy says, “That’s nothing. My dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a song, and they give him $100.” The third boy says, “I got you both beat. My dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, calls it a sermon, and it takes eight people to collect all the money!”

I always take my wife morning tea in my pajamas, but is she grateful? . . . No, she says she’d rather have it in a cup.

A man was taking it easy, lying on the grass and looking up at the clouds. He was identifying shapes when he decided to talk to GOD. “GOD”, he said, “How long is a million years?” GOD answered, “In my frame of reference, it’s about a minute.” The man asked, “GOD, how much is a million dollars?” GOD answered, “To Me, it’s a dime.” The man then asked, “GOD, can I have a dime?” GOD said, “In a minute.”

I tried to re-marry my ex-wife… But she figured out I was only after my money!

I was at a museum, and I asked a worker there if we were allowed to take pictures. He told me no, as they had to stay on the walls.