A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.
“Good morning,” said the young man. “If I could take a couple of minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners.”
“Go away!” said the old lady. “I haven’t got any money!” She proceeded to close the door.
Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open. “Don’t be too hasty!” he said. “Not until you have at least seen my demonstration.”
And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet. He said: “If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder.”
The old lady stepped back and said: “Well I hope you’ve got a good appetite because they cut off my electricity this morning.”
A heavily bandaged man was sitting up in bed at the hospital when his friend came to visit. “What happened to you?” the friend asked.
“Well, we went to the amusement park and decided to ride the roller coaster. As we came to the top of the highest loop, I noticed a sign by the side of the track. I tried to read it, but it was very small and I couldn’t make it out. I was so curious that I went around again, but we went by so quickly that I still couldn’t see what the sign said. By now I was determined, so I went around a third time. As we reached the top I stood up in the car to get a better view.”
“And did you manage to see what the sign said this time?” asked his friend.
“Yeah. The sign said: ‘Remain seated at all times!'”
The lady was newly rich and, not wishing to appear a snob, invited her old friends to her huge house.
She took them on a tour of the establishment and reached the room where they would dine that evening.
“These knives and forks are solid silver,” she said, “Even the chains they’re fastened to have real emeralds.”