One Sunday morning George burst into the living room and said: “Dad! Mum! I have some great news for you! I am getting married to the most beautiful girl in town. She lives a block away and her name is Susan.”
After dinner, George’s dad took him aside and said: “Son, I have to talk with you. Look at your mother, George. She and I have been married 30 years, she’s a wonderful wife and mother but she has never offered much excitement in the bedroom, so I used to fool around with women a lot. Susan is actually your half sister, and I’m afraid you can’t marry her.”
George was brokenhearted. After eight months he eventually started dating girls again. A year later he came home and very proudly announced: “Diane said yes! We’re getting married in June.”
Again his father insisted on another private conversation and broke the sad news. “Diane is your half sister too, George. I’m awfully sorry about this.” George was livid! He finally decided to go to his mother with the news his father had shared.
“Dad has done so much harm. I guess I’m never going to get married,” he complained. “Every time I fall in love, Dad tells me the girl is my half sister.”
His mother chuckled, shaking her head: “Don’t pay any attention to what he says. He’s not really your father.”
A lady walks into the drug store and asks the pharmacist for some arsenic.
He asks: “Ma’am, what do you want with arsenic?”
The lady says: “To kill my husband.”
“I can’t sell you any for that reason,” says the pharmacist.
The lady then reaches into her purse and pulls out a photo of a man and a woman in a compromising position, the man is her husband and the lady is the pharmacist’s wife, and shows it to him.
He looks at the photo and says: “Oh I didn’t know you had a prescription!”
A woman walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she’s going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer tells her that the bank will need some kind of security for such a loan, so the woman hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce that’s parked on the street in front of the bank.
Everything checks out, and the bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. An employee drives the Rolls Royce into the bank’s underground garage and parks it there.
Two weeks later, the woman returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer approaches her and says:”We are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we’re a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked out your accounts and found that you were a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is why would you bother to borrow $5,000?”
“Well, where else in Manhattan can I park my car for two weeks for fifteen bucks?”