A man was having marital problems, so he went to his therapist. The therapist said: “When you get home, throw down your briefcase, run to her, embrace her, take off her clothes, and yours, and make mad passionate love to her.”
In two weeks he was back in the therapist’s office.
The therapist asked: “How did it go?”
The man said: “She didn’t have anything to say, but her bridge club got a kick out of it.”
A man walking along a beach was deep in prayer. Suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said: “Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish.”
The man said: “Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over anytime I want.”
The Lord said: “Your request is very materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that would honour and glorify me.”
The man thought about it for a long time. Finally, he said: “Lord, I wish that I could understand my wife. I want to know how she feels inside, what she’s thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says ‘nothing’s wrong,’ and how I can make a woman truly happy.”
The Lord replied: “You want two lanes or four on that bridge?”
A couple with their three grandchildren waited in line at San Francisco’s Pier 41 to purchase tickets for a boat trip to Alcatraz. Others watched with varying degrees of sympathy and irritation as the young children fidgeted, whined and punched one another. The frazzled grandparents reprimanded them to no avail.
Finally, they reached the ticket window. “Five tickets, please,” the grandfather said. “Two round trip, three one way.”