Sex can be a wonderfully complex and enriching aspect of our lives. On it’s simplest level we can experience sex as our sensuality – the sensuous and delicious feelings we can get with our erogenous zones, including our genitals and our earlobes, toes, fingers, neck, the part of the lower back where the buttocks separate, the underarm, and the back of the hand.
However the most complex aspect of sex for human beings is that of intimacy – sharing sex with someone who is special. The most important concept for you to embrace in understanding real intimacy is that of Fulfilling Sex. In order to enjoy life to the full, you need to acknowledge that you are much more than just a body. Granted – your body is a physical work of art – but you also have an emotional heart, intellectual mind and an intangible spirit. The true experience of maximal pleasure in life involves all four levels of connection – physical, emotional, mind and spiritual.
The physical level of sex relates to what I call the lust factor. Lust is what happens when there is sexual chemistry between people.
The emotional level is about love. When you have sex with someone you are in love with, the feeling is so much deeper.
The mind level of connection relates to all the thinking and attitudes that we have about sex.
Because the spiritual connection is intangible you can’t easily express your understanding of it but you can feel it and know it. Soul-mates really make love.
My belief is that each of the four levels of connection contributes twenty-five percent towards maximal success in life. Therefore, if you are not being responsible for, in charge of and enjoying your sexuality, you are missing out on at least a quarter of your potential. You are ripping yourself off if you are single and excluding your partner if you are in a relationship!
Think carefully of the implications of this definition of sex. It allows for a lot of sexual diversity. It gives permission for exploration and experimentation, where people enjoy pleasure from their bodies with open, honest communication. There should be no physical, mental, emotional, spiritual or economical distress or disadvantage to anyone, currently and in the future. For instance, Fulfilling Sex could certainly encompass fantasies, kissing, caressing, masturbation and oral sex. It doesn’t have to be just intercourse. Fulfilling Sex is the gift we can share with a person to create a closeness that goes beyond just the physical act and is the special sexual connection that can transcend the ordinary and take you into bliss.
The two major keys needed to achieve Fulfilling Sex are:
1. To love your sexual self and have the sexual confidence that gives you permission to maximise your sexual pleasure.
2. To love and respect your partner so that you give and receive sexually, as equals, to maximise your sexual pleasure.
The special benefits of Fulfilling Sex
Do you feel that as you age sex and intimacy become less fulfilling? Or does it in fact get better? Tell us in the comments below…