Caring for a dying loved one can take its toll on family members, but while they may have time to prepare both mentally and behaviourally – whether that’s with inheritance or funeral plans – a study has found they need more emotional support.
According to researchers, family carers often aren’t emotionally prepared to say a final goodbye, and it can lead to post-death complicated grief as well as depression and anxiety.
The study by Curtin University, published in the Journal of Pain and Symptom Management, found some palliative care services may assume that family carers are emotionally prepared for their loved one’s death, given the length of their illness – but in actual fact they’ve focused solely on their sick loved one, and not on their own feelings.
“There is a tendency to assume that family caregivers are prepared for the death of the person they have been caring for, but this research shows that is not always the case,” lead author Lauren Breen said.
“While family carers might be mentally prepared in the sense that they are aware of their loved one’s symptoms and prognosis and behaviourally prepared because they have planned the finances, Wills or funeral, many do not feel prepared emotionally for life after their loved one has died. Carers tend to be so busy with the tasks of caring that focussing on their own preparations often takes a backseat.”
The researchers spoke to 16 family carers, aged 45 to 77 years, about their experiences – with most of the patients having had a cancer diagnosis. The study was the first of its kind to focus solely on family caregivers’ experiences of preparing for a death.
In a concluding description, the study stated: “Palliative care services tend to emphasise the patients’ preparation for death rather than caregivers’ preparation for, or living after, death.”
Breen explained it’s important to address these needs when caring for a loved one, or it may eventually lead to mental health issues down the line, as they struggle with their grief.
She has now called on palliative care services to stop “assuming” that family care-givers are “well-prepared for the death”, and added: “This study shows we really should talk more about these issues in the community.”
Experts previously told Starts at 60 that caring for a spouse can also have a direct affect on your relationship. Elisabeth Shaw, the CEO of Relationships Australia NSW, explained that it’s important to seek help when caring for a partner, as handling the stress alone can often have an irreversible impact.
“Carers are often very invisible in our society… The reality is a lot of carers are suffering at home,” she said.