Greg Davies has built a comedy career on two things: his imposing height and his complete willingness to admit he is, at heart, deeply ridiculous. From Taskmaster to stand-up, his humour thrives on authority being undermined, confidence being punctured, and adulthood revealed as a thin veneer.
These six jokes capture Davies at his best — observational, dry, and quietly savage — the sort of comedy that doesn’t rush but lands with satisfying weight.
“I’ve started behaving weirdly. I’ve started buying folk music. No one likes folk music, not even the singers. They can’t be bothered to sing out of their mouths.”
“This isn’t my original outfit. I was wearing a tight black t-shirt and the producer asked me to change, because he said I looked like a bin bag full of coleslaw.”
“Three o’clock on Christmas day, people sit down and listen to the Queen. My mum never misses it. Now… I did an award-winning fart. It ripped through the room like fork lightning. I knew it was a classic, because the Queen hadn’t spoken yet, but it caused my mum to leave the room.”
“I looked at myself naked in a mirror and I thought, ‘My body looks like it’s been carved by a four-year-old child out of a budget block of ham.’ Just a rough approximation of a male, all pink and mottled.”
“Alright lads, a giant fly is attacking the police station. I’ve called the SWAT team!”
“Have you seen dressage? It’s dancing horses! I didn’t even think that was allowed. Someone told me you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink, yeah? Well, apparently, stick Sister Sledge on – they go mental.”
And here’s some quirky observations on life:
Davies says being tall is useful – mainly because people assume you’re in charge, even when you have no idea what’s going on.
He once described teaching teenagers as “being paid to watch hope slowly leave your body.”
Greg says adulthood is mostly realising your parents were improvising – and now it’s your turn to pretend you know what you’re doing.
He’s noted that exercise after 40 isn’t about fitness anymore – it’s about avoiding conversations with your doctor.
Davies says confidence is simply speaking slowly and loudly enough that people stop questioning you.
According to Greg, dignity doesn’t fade with age – it just quietly packs a bag and leaves without saying goodbye.