When I was working, I never had time for random thoughts. I was always so busy trying to keep my job, pay the mortgage, make my family happy, and change the litter box.

Now that I’m retired, I have time for stupid thoughts that seem to come out of nowhere. Here are a few.

Maybe I should’ve had a V-8.
What is my gurgling stomach trying to say?
What is the purpose of hair coming out of your nose and ears?
How come we can’t see the wind?

What do you do if you build it and they don’t come?
Do we really need two nostrils?
Where do thoughts come from?

How does blood flow upstream through your body? Rivers are liquid and flow only downstream.
What happened to my love beads?
Are the past, present, and future happening all at once?

Do we really have to wear a bra after the age of 70?
After a number two pencil, is there a number 3,4,5, or six?
Why didn’t they warn us about Agent Orange?
Somehow, I survived Top Ramen.
How come I can’t remember the name of a forget-me-not flower?
Is it possible to be older than dirt?

Does a negative thought dissipate, or does it simply move on to another person?
If jellyfish have no brains, how can taking Prevagen make us smarter?
And why does Jell-O wiggle?

Can you dig it if you don’t have a shovel?
Does cell phone usage contribute to climate change?
If you dream about somebody at night, are they also dreaming about you?

If you could go back in time, what age would you be and in what era would you live?
Why don’t stars make noise?
Don’t you miss a rotary phone?
Was the limbo invented by a chiropractor?

Do clouds plan where they’re going to go?
How come we can’t see where the steam goes?
Did anyone ever meet Old MacDonald?
Do funny people live longer?