One day a school teacher sent her student home with a note for his mother.
The note read: “Your son is an obedient and bright student, but spends too much time talking to girls.”
The next day the student returned with a note from his mother to be handed back to the teacher. It read: “Please advise a solution. Father has the same problem.”
A man who is driving is stopped by a police officer. The man says: “What’s the problem, officer?”
The officer says: “You were going at least 75km/h in a 55km/h zone.”
“No sir, I was going 65.”
The man’s wife leans over and says: “Oh, Harry, you were going 80.”
The man gives his wife a dirty look. While the officer says: “I’m also going to give you a ticket for your broken brake light.”
The man answers: “Broken brake light? I didn’t know about a broken brake light!”
Once again the man’s wife leans over and says: “Oh, Harry, you’ve known about that brake light for weeks.”
The man gives his wife another frustrated glare.
“I’m also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seatbelt,” the officer says.
The man answers: “Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car.”
“Oh, Harry, you never wear your seatbelt,” the wife says without a pause.
The man turns to his wife and yells: “Shut your mouth!”
The officer turns to the woman and asks: ‘Ma’am, does your husband talk to you this way all the time?”
The wife answers: “No, only when he’s been drinking!”
An elderly woman went into the doctor’s office. When the doctor asked why she was there, she replied: “I’d like to have some birth-control pills.”
Taken aback, the doctor thought for a minute and then said: “Excuse me, Mrs Smith, but you’re 72 years old. What possible use could you have for birth control pills?”
The woman responded: “They help me sleep better.”
The doctor thought some more and continued: “How in the world do birth control pills help you to sleep?”
The woman said: “Simple. I put them in my granddaughter’s orange juice every morning and I sleep better at night.”