A grandmother telephoned St Joseph’s Hospital and she timidly asked: “Is it possible to speak to someone who can tell me how a patient is doing?”
The operator responded: “I’ll be glad to help, dear. What’s the patient’s name and room number?”
The grandmother in her weak tremulous voice said: “Norma Findlay, Room 302.”
The operator replied: “Let me place you on hold while I check with her nurse.”
After a few minutes the operator returned to the phone: “Oh, good news. Her nurse has told me that Norma is doing very well. Her blood pressure is fine; her blood work just came back as normal. And her physician, Dr Cohen, has scheduled her to be discharged Tuesday.”
The grandmother said: “Thank you. That’s wonderful. I was so worried! God bless you for the good news.”
The operator replied: “You’re more than welcome. Is Norma your daughter?”
The grandmother said: “No, I’m Norma Findlay in Room 302. No one tells me anything.”
Adam and Eve said: “Lord when we were in the garden, you walked with us every day. Now we do not see you anymore. We are lonesome here, and it is difficult for us to remember how much you love us.”
And God said: “I will create a companion for you that will be with you and who will be a reflection of my love for you so that you will love me even when you cannot see me. Regardless of how selfish or childish or unlovable you may be, this new companion will accept you as you are and will love you as I do, in spite of yourselves.”
And God created a new animal to be a companion for Adam and Eve. And it was a good animal and God was pleased. And the new animal was pleased to be with Adam and Eve and he wagged his tail.
And Adam said: “Lord, I have already named all the animals in the kingdom and I cannot think of a name for this new animal.”
And God said: “I have created this new animal to be a reflection of my love for you, his name will be a reflection of my own name, and you will call him Dog.”
And Dog lived with Adam and Eve and was a companion to them and loved them. And they were comforted. And God was pleased. And Dog was content and wagged his tail.
After a while, it came to pass that an angel came to the Lord and said: “Lord, Adam and Eve have become filled with pride. They strut and preen like peacocks and they believe they are worthy of adoration. Dog has indeed taught them that they are loved, but perhaps too well.”
And God said: “I will create for them a companion who will be with them and who will see them as they are. The companion will remind them of their limitations, so they will know that they are not always worthy of adoration.”
And God created Cat to be a companion to Adam and Eve. And Cat would not obey them. And when Adam and Eve gazed into Cat’s eyes, they were reminded that they were not the Supreme Beings. And Adam and Eve learned humility. And they were greatly improved.
And God was pleased.
And Dog was happy.
And Cat really couldn’t care less either way…
An old man who loves to fish was sitting in his boat the other day when he heard a voice say: “Pick me up.”
He looked around and couldn’t see anyone. He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice say again: “Pick me up.”
He looked in the water and there, floating on the top, was a frog.
The man said: “Are you talking to me?”
The frog said: “Yes, I’m talking to you. Pick me up. Then, kiss me and I’ll turn into the most beautiful woman you have ever seen. I’ll then give you more sexual pleasure that you ever could have dreamed of.”
The man looked at the frog for a short time, reached over, picked it up carefully, and placed it in his front breast pocket.
Then the frog said: “What, are you nuts? Didn’t you hear what I said? I said kiss me and I will give you sexual pleasures like you have never had.”
He opened his pocket, looked at the frog and said: “Nah, at my age I’d rather have a talking frog.”