It was the mailman’s last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighbourhood. When he arrived at the first house on his route, he was greeted by the whole family who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a tidy gift envelope.
At the second house, they presented him with a box of fine cigars. The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.
At the fourth house, he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door, which she closed behind him, and took him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced.
When he had enough, they went downstairs and she fixed him a giant breakfast with eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry pancakes, and fresh-squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied, she poured him a cup of steaming coffee. As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar coin on the table. “All this was just too wonderful for words,” he said. “But what’s the dollar for?”
“Well,” she said. “Last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you. He said, ‘Screw him. Give him a dollar.’ The breakfast was my idea.”
A man walking along a beach was deep in prayer. All of a sudden, he said out loud: “Lord, grant me one wish.”
Suddenly the sky clouded above his head and in a booming voice, the Lord said: “Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish.”
The man said: “Build a bridge to Hawaii, so I can drive over anytime I want to.”
The Lord said: “Your request is very materialistic. Think of the logistics of that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! I can do it, but is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of another wish. A wish you think would honour and glorify me.”
The man thought about it for a long time. Finally, he said: “Lord, I wish that I could understand women. I want to know how they feel inside, what they are thinking when they give me the silent treatment, why they cry, what they mean when they say ‘nothing,’ and how I can make a woman truly happy.”
After a few minutes, God said: “You want two lanes or four on that bridge?”
A six year old goes crying to his mother because his little sister pulled his hair.
“Don’t be angry,” the mother says, “Your little sister doesn’t realise that pulling hair hurts.”
A short while later, there’s more crying, and the mother goes to investigate.
This time the sister is bawling and her brother says: “Now she knows.”