A little girl was given a tea set for her second birthday. It became one of her favourite toys, and when her mother went away for a few weeks she loved to take her father a little cup of tea, which was just water really, while he was watching the news on TV.
He sipped each cup of tea he was brought and raved about the taste, leaving the little girl immensely proud.
Eventually, the mother returned home and the father couldn’t wait to show her how the little girl had been looking after him. On cue, the girl took him his cup of tea and he sipped it before praising it to the heavens.
The mother watched him drink it and said: “Did it ever occur to you that the only place she can reach to get water is the toilet?”
A man walked through the neighbourhood every day with his dog. Each day he waved to his old neighbour on his way home.
One day, he waved to his neighbour without his dog by his side. Concerned, the old neighbour asked: “Where is your dog?”
The man answered: “I had to have him put down.”
“Oh I’m so sorry. Was he mad?” asked the neighbour.
The man shrugged and answered: “Well, he wasn’t too pleased.”
A man meets a beautiful woman in a bar. After a few drinks together, the woman leans in close to the man and says: “This is your lucky night. I’ve got a special game for you. I’ll do absolutely anything you want for $300 as long as you can say it in three words.”
The man replies: “Hey, why not?” He pulls his wallet out of his pocket and lays $300 on the bar, and says slowly: “Paint…my….house.”