One day the fire department received a hysterical phone call. On the other end, the voice yelled: “Help me, please help me! There is a cat meowing and yowling with frequency and urgency. It is going to hurt me, it’s going to kill me, can you please help me, and send the fire squad right away?”
“Take it easy, cats don’t hurt us, just relax and wait until he leaves,” the fireman said.
“You don’t understand it is going to bite me, it is going to kill me, it is going to be fatal!”
“Cats aren’t like snakes or spiders that are poisonous. Who is this anyway?”
“I’m Josephine’s parrot you idiot!”
Go to your back door and look for the dog. If the dog is at the door and he is wet, it’s probably raining. But if the dog is standing there drenched, it is probably raining extremely hard.
If the dog’s fur looks like it’s been rubbed the wrong way, it’s probably windy. If the dog has snow on his back, it’s probably snowing.
Of course, to be able to tell the weather like this, you have to leave the dog outside all the time, especially if you expect bad weather. Yours sincerely, The cat.
A cat walks into a bar and the bartender asks: “What can I get you?”
The cat says: “A shot of whiskey”.
The bartender pours the cat the drink and puts it onto the bar. Slowly, the cat pushes the shot off the bar before immediately demanding: “Another!”
Two cats were looking into a green canary’s cage. After a while, the first cat said to the other: “That’s not a canary, it’s green!”
The other cat shrugged and replied: “I don’t know. Maybe it’s not ripe yet!”