Two workers were standing outside a building looking up at a flagpole. A lady walked by and asked what they were doing.
“We need to find out the height of this flagpole,” said one worker. “But we don’t have a ladder.”
The lady opened her purse, took out a wrench, loosened a couple of bolts, and laid the pole down on the ground. Then she took a tape measure from her purse, measured the flagpole and said: “Ten metres, three centimetres.” And with that she walked off.
One worker shook his head and said: “Lotta good that does us. We ask for the height and she gives us the length!”
Matt’s dad picked him up from school one afternoon.
Knowing the parts for the school play were supposed to have been posted that day, he asked his son if he got a part.
Matt enthusiastically announced that he had indeed gotten a part. “I play a man who’s been married for twenty years,” he said.
“That’s great, son. Keep up the good work and before you know it they’ll be giving you a speaking part.”
A cowboy lay sprawled across three entire seats in a posh theatre. When the usher came by and noticed this he whispered to the cowboy: “Sorry, sir, but you’re only allowed one seat.”
The cowboy groaned but didn’t budge. The usher became more impatient. “Sir, if you don’t get up from there, I’m going to have to call the manager.”
Again, the cowboy just groaned. So the usher marched briskly back up the aisle and soon returned with the manager.
Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move the cowboy, but with no success. Finally, they summoned the police. The cop surveyed the situation briefly then asked: “All right buddy, what’s your name?”
“Sam,” the cowboy moaned.
“Where ya from, Sam?”
With pain in his voice Sam replied: “The balcony.”