A man owned a small farm in the country. The Wage and Hour Department claimed he was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent to interview him.
“You just give me a list of your employees and tell me how much you pay them.”
“All right,” said the farmer. “I have a hired man. Been with me for three years. I pay him $700 a week, plus room and board. I have a cook. She’s been here six months. She gets $600 a week plus room and board.”
“Anybody else?” asked the agent as he scribbled on a note pad.
“Yeah,” the farmer said. “This guy is none too bright. Works about eighteen hours a day. I pay him ten dollars a week and give him chewing tobacco.”
“Aha!” the agent roared. “I want to talk to that man!”
“Speaking,” said the farmer.
A schoolboy went home with a pain in his stomach. “Well, sit down and have your tea,” said his mother. “Your stomach is hurting because it’s empty. It’ll be alright when you’ve got something in it.”
Shortly afterwards Dad came in from the office, complaining of a headache.
“That’s because it’s empty,” said his bright son. “You’d be all right if you had something in it.”
A businessman is hurrying home on the motorway after a hard days work when he is stopped by a policeman.
“Do you know you were driving 30 km/h over the limit?” asks the policeman.
“Eh, actually no, officer, it’s a big car and it just sort of coasts along, you know.”
“And what were you planning on doing if you met Mr Fog?” demands the policeman.
“Well,” says the businessman, thinking it best to play along. “I suppose I’d ease off on Mr Accelerator, and switch on Mr Headlights and Mr Windscreen wipers.”
The policeman leans in the window and eyeballs the businessman. “I asked you what you were planning on doing if you met MIST OR FOG!”