Sometimes, the simplest jokes are the ones that stay with you – the ones you find yourself retelling over a cuppa or sharing with friends for a quick laugh. These police jokes are a mix of cheeky one-liners and classic storytelling humour, guaranteed to raise a smile (and perhaps a knowing chuckle).

What does a police officer and a DJ have in common? They both tell drunk people to put their hands up.

John and Jessica were on their way home from the bar one night and John got pulled over by the police. The officer told John that he was stopped because his tail light was not working. John said, “I’m very sorry officer, I didn’t realise it was out, I’ll get it fixed right away.”
Just then Jessica said, “I knew this would happen when I told you two days ago to get that light fixed.”
So the officer asked for John’s licence and after looking at it said, “Sir your licence has expired.”
And again John apologised and mentioned that he didn’t realise that it had expired and would take care of it first thing in the morning.
Jessica said, “I told you a week ago that the state sent you a letter telling you that your licence had expired.”
Well by this time, John is a bit upset with his wife contradicting him in front of the officer, and he said in a rather loud voice, “Jessica, shut your mouth!”
The officer then leaned over toward Jessica and asked. “Does your husband always talk to you like that?”
Jessica replied, “only when he’s drunk.”

A police officer pulled me over and said, “Papers?” I said, “Scissors, I win,” and drove off. He must have wanted a rematch because he has been chasing me for 45 minutes.

An officer observes a woman standing in the middle of the street. He approaches her and asks, “Are you OK?” The woman replies, “Yes, but how do I get to the hospital?” The officer says, “Just keep standing there.”

Officer: “How high are you?” Driver: “No, officer, it’s ‘Hi, how are you?”