There’s something deeply satisfying about a joke that takes just a second to land – and then makes you groan and laugh at exactly the same time. We’ve gathered eight of our favourites for your Sunday reading. Whether you’re still in your dressing gown with a cup of tea or well into your day, we hope at least one of these makes you snort. Fair warning: some are delightfully dark.

As a vegan, I think people who sell meat are disgusting; but apparently people who sell fruit and veg are grocer.

For me dying is a lot like going camping. I don’t want to do it.

I went to a Pretenders gig. It was a tribute act.

My dad has suggested that I register for a donor card. He’s a man after my own heart.

Why is it old people say ‘there’s no place like home’, yet when you put them in one … 

I’ve been happily married for four years – out of a total of 10.

Apparently one in three Australians are conceived in an IKEA bed which is mad because those places are really well lit.