Teacher: “Your spelling is really improving, Henry, I only counted three mistakes.” Henry: “That’s great!” Teacher: “And now, let’s check the second sentence.”

The new army recruit was given guard duty at 2 a.m. He did his best for a while, but at about 4 a.m. he went to sleep. He awakened to find the officer of the day standing before him.Remembering the heavy penalty for being asleep on guard duty, this smart young man kept his head bowed for another moment and looked upward and reverently said, “A-a-a-men!”

Wife texts husband on a cold winter morning: “Windows frozen, won’t open.” Husband texts back: “Gently pour some lukewarm water over it and then gently tap edges with hammer.” Wife texts back 10 minutes later: “Computer really messed up now.”