I’ve heard of history repeating itself, but this Monday thing has got to stop!

A woman was found guilty in traffic court and when asked for her occupation she said she was a schoolteacher. The judge rose from the bench. “Madam, I have waited years for a schoolteacher to appear before this court.” He smiled with delight. “Now sit down at that table and write, ‘I will not run a red light’ five hundred times.”

The Dean of Women was introducing the newcomers to the college and thought fit to touch the subject of sex morality: “In moments of temptation, ask yourselves just one question: Is an hour of pleasure worth a lifetime of shame?” At the end of the lecture she asked if there were any questions. One of the girls timidly raised her hand and said: “Could you tell us how you make it last one hour?”

What do they sing at a snowman’s birthday party? Freeze a jolly good fellow

Why does Santa have three gardens? So he can ‘ho ho ho’!

What does Miley Cyrus have at Christmas? Twerky!

Why did Santa’s helper see the doctor?
 Because he had a low “elf” esteem!

Who is Santa’s favorite singer? Elf-is Presley!