A grandma has sparked debate after pleading for advice on how to help her grandchildren and family following the death of her daughter-in-law’s mother.
Grandparents often grow close after their children marry, especially when sharing grandchildren together. However, when one passes away, it can leave the other feeling helpless and worried about how to be there for their in-laws.
One gran in that very situation took to social forum Gransnet to air her worries, and asked for advice on how to help her grieving family. She revealed her daughter-in-law’s mum had died at the age of 64 after an illness, but said her passing had “come as a shock to everyone”.
She wrote: “My granddaughters are 10 and 5. I don’t know when I will see them – probably not before the funeral, but I’m worried about what to say and do. I want to be there for my daughter-in-law… and my son and the girls, but need advice on how to help without being pushy.”
The user said she lives in the same area as her family, so distance wasn’t an issue – but admitted she was worried her daughter-in-law would “resent” her for “still being around when her mum isn’t.”
That alone was enough to spark a debate from other users. While many offered supportive words, and advice on how to help, others questioned why she wouldn’t see her grandkids before the funeral – if she lives that close.
“You live in the same town but won’t see your granddaughters until the funeral? Why not? Can you not offer to look after them so that they are not in the middle of preparations for the funeral?” One asked, while another added: “If you live in the same town, it might be helpful to send a message to your [daughter-in-law] with your condolences and offer to help in any way, as you realise she will be busy with the funeral arrangements and will be feeling very sad.”
Seeing the mixed response she was getting, the original user then replied to set the record straight, writing: “I have offered help via my son when he rang… just not sure what [daughter-in-law] will want.”
She added: “When I re-read my post I realised I sounded heartless. Obviously I will do whatever, whenever. I love my [daughter-in-law] dearly and really want to be there for her without being too ‘in her face’… it’s a fine line I feel!”
Responding to that post, one user commented: “Tell your daughter in law exactly what you have told us that you love her dearly and will do anything you can to help That’s all. Love and hugs with the children don’t worry about tears that’s natural and they are resilient [SIC].”
Another added: “I think you are possibly overthinking. Your [daughter-in-law] will be distraught at the loss of her Mum but will not resent you for still being here! Go to the funeral. Support in any way needed. No right or wrong way to act other than offering your help x.”
Meanwhile one user took it a step further and warned the gran she could risk distancing her family if she didn’t act straight away, adding: “You have a role to play in helping your [dear son] and [daughter-in-law] at this difficult time. Don’t wait until the funeral.”