A retired grandma has garnered considerable support online after refusing to babysit her daughter’s newborn child for free, demanding an hourly rate to care for her grandchild.
Shocked by the request, her 29 year old daughter took to the online forum, Reddit, to ask if she is out of line for asking her retired mother to babysit her child for free.
“I (29f) asked my mom to help me take care of my newborn so I could go back to work once my leave is up. Mind you, my mom is 64, has been a homemaker/stay-at-home-mom since 1992, and hasn’t been part of the workforce since then,” the new mum began.
“She refused, saying she’s too old and that she already raised her kids. She also added that if I really wanted this baby, then maybe I should have thought about staying home like she did to take care of it while my partner goes to work and provides for us like a “traditional” family, and that if she any my dad were able to work it out, so can we.
“She then proceeded to say that she will charge me $20/hr for each hour she takes care of the baby, plus late fees if we are late for pickup, and must provide her with a carseat, stroller, bottles, and pretty much double of everything we have at our home to compensate for taking the baby to her house. She will not step foot in my house for her own personal reasons (she’s come in once, and I’ve lived with my partner for 5 years; she’s a 15min drive away).
“I want to save money to bring down our debt, and don’t want to pay her as much nor invest as much in double of everything as it will spiral into more debt for me and my partner. I’m on the fence about enrolling my baby into an infant daycare instead as the cost will overall be lower and a little closer to our home. Due to our jobs, we cannot work from home so we are in desperate need of childcare. Everyone else in our family works full time so they cannot help us as they have a similar 9-5 schedule.
“So, am I the asshole for wanting my mom, who again is at home all day long (trust me, she does not do anything besides watch TV and cook meals), to take care of my baby for free while me and my partner try to fix our finances?”
Despite pleading her case, the new mum was met with almost instant condemnation with many taking to the forum in a show of considerable support for the elderly mother, chastising the 29 year old for expecting her mother to drop everything to look after her child.
One commenter was rather blunt in her assessment of the 29 year old’s predicament.
“Sorry to be blunt and rude but maybe don’t have a child if you can’t afford to take care of them. And if your plan was always go back to work you should of discussed that during the pregnancy with your mom,” they wrote.
Another queried as to whether there was a deeper issue brewing between the mother and daughter than simply delegation of baby-sitting duties.
“Sounds like they can afford the infant daycare and “simply” wanted their mom to be a certain type of mother and grandmother,” they stated.
“The mom is judging OP and OP is judging her mom right back. My guess is this isn’t really about expecting childcare.”
One person scolded the new mum for expecting that her mother would look after her child, claiming that the retiree “has done her bit”.
“She’s raised you, fed you, and been in the work force, and the end of which she wants to put her feet up and maybe spoil her grandchild every so often, not get a second job looking after your kid,” the person wrote.
Another joked that the grandmother is probably “willing to do it without pay” but “picked a number high enough” to encourage her daughter to “choose daycare” instead.
While many took the 29 year old mum to task, one commenter admitted that they “stopped reading after the first paragraph”, claiming the she should respect her mother’s decision.
“You asked her, she refused and stated her reasons,” they said.
“Time to respect her decision for her life without guilt pressuring her. Life sucks sometimes, but find another solution and respect your mom’s decision.”
Another “exhausted” grandmother found herself in a similar predicament after revealing that she was not exactly over the moon that her daughter is expecting another child, claiming she is often left to babysit her grandchildren as well as help out financially.
The anonymous grandmother also took to Reddit to explain the situation further.
“My daughter and her husband have recently announced their fourth baby in a small little family gathering I hosted,” she wrote.
“I know I should be excited and congratulatory, but I’m really not, I just felt exhausted the moment she announced.”
She went on to detail how her daughter often shirked her parental responsibilities, leaving her to not only look after her grandchildren regularly but also having to act as the ‘Bank of Mum’, lending money to her daughter on a regular basis.
Any concerns on the grandmother’s part that she was out of line were quickly alleviated with many on the forum voicing their support for the worn-out matriarch’s feelings.