A police officer sees a car puttering along at 22km/h. He thinks to himself: “This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!” So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over.
Approaching the car, he notices that there are four old ladies inside — the three passengers are wide eyed and white as ghosts.
The driver, obviously confused, says to him: “Officer, I don’t understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?”
The officer replies: “Ma’am, you weren’t speeding, but you should know that driving much slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers.”
“Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly. Twenty-two kilometres an hour!” The old woman says, pointing to a sign next to the road.
The officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that the sign was the highway number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the woman grins and thanks the officer for pointing out her error.
“But before I let you go, ma’am, I have to ask, Is everyone in this car okay? Your passengers seem awfully shaken and they haven’t muttered a single peep this whole time,” the officer asks.
“Oh, they’ll be all right in a minute officer. We just got off highway 140.”
A man and his wife check into a hotel. The husband wants to have a drink at the bar, but his wife is extremely tired so she decides to go on up to their room to rest. She lies down on the bed when, suddenly, an elevated train passes by very close to the window and shakes the room so hard she’s thrown out of the bed.
Thinking this must be a freak occurrence, she lies down once more. Again a train shakes the room so violently, she’s pitched to the floor. Exasperated, she calls the front desk and asks for the manager. The manager says he’ll be right up.
The manager is skeptical but the wife insists the story is true. “Look, lie here on the bed and you’ll be thrown right to the floor!”she tells him. So he lies down next to the wife. Just then the husband walks in.
“What,” he says, “are you doing here?!”
The manager calmly replies: “Would you believe I’m waiting for a train?”
An airplane was flying from LA to New York. About an hour into the flight, the pilot announced: “We have lost an engine, but don’t worry, there are three left. However, instead of five hours it will now take seven hours to get to New York.”
A little later, the pilot announced: “A second engine failed, but we still have two left. However, it will take 10 hours to get to New York.”
Somewhat later, the pilot again came on the intercom and announced: “A third engine had died. Never fear, because the plane can fly on a single engine. However, it will now take 18 hours to get to new York.”
At this point, one passenger said: “Gee, I hope we don’t lose that last engine, or we’ll be up here forever!”