close
HomeNewsMoneyHealthPropertyLifestyleWineRetirement GuideTriviaGames
Sign up
menu
Jokes

Three heavenly jokes that might have the church elders blushing

Share:

Three hymns

A pastor explained to his congregation that the church was in need of some extra money, so he asked them to consider being more than generous.

He offered that whoever gave the most would be able to pick three hymns. After the offering plates were passed about the church, the pastor glanced down and noticed that someone had graciously offered a $1,000 bill.

He was so excited that he immediately shared his joy with his congregation and said he’d like to personally thank the person who placed the money in the plate.

A very quiet, elderly, saintly lady in the back of the church shyly raised her hand. The pastor asked her to come to the front, so she slowly she made her way towards him. The pastor told her how wonderful it was that she gave so much, and in thanks he asked her to pick out three hymns.

Her eyes brightened as she looked over the congregation. She pointed to the three most handsome men in the church and said, “I’ll take him and him and him.”

 

Sunday service surprise

During Sunday service, the minister noticed one elderly gentleman asleep in the front pew.

After the sermon, he quietly asked the man’s wife, “Do you think I should wake him?”

She smiled sweetly and replied, “You put him to sleep, Reverend… you wake him up.”

 

Like clockwork

An elderly man told his doctor, “Every morning at 7am sharp, I go to the toilet like clockwork.”

The doctor smiled. “That sounds very healthy for a man your age.”

The old man frowned. “Maybe… but I don’t wake up until 8.”

 

 

JokesLifestyleThe latest news
Share:

Continue reading

Jokes

Seven jokes that prove timing is everything – and the last one is the wisest thing you’ll read all week

Seven jokes that prove timing is everything – and the last one is the wisest thing you’ll read all week

From Mr Darling's awkward first day at the office to the smartest thing a fish head ever taught a man, these seven jokes are sharp, silly and perfectly timed.
Jokes

Seven jokes that prove timing is everything – and the last one is the wisest thing you’ll read all week

Seven jokes that prove timing is everything – and the last one is the wisest thing you’ll read all week

From Mr Darling's awkward first day at the office to the smartest thing a fish head ever taught a man, these seven jokes are sharp, silly and perfectly timed.
Jokes

Five jokes that are genuinely funny — and one of them involves a very expensive memorial stone

Five jokes that are genuinely funny — and one of them involves a very expensive memorial stone

From a son who forgot to write home to a genie who'd rather redraw a map than find a good husband, these five jokes are sharp, clever and guaranteed to brighten your day.
News

From ‘Slay’ to ‘The Bee’s Knees’: A guide to Gen Z speak

From ‘Slay’ to ‘The Bee’s Knees’: A guide to Gen Z speak

Remember when everything was groovy, bonza or far out? Here's a light-hearted guide to translating Gen Z slang into the lingo many older Aussies still know and love.
Jokes

These classified ads are perfectly, catastrophically wrong — and we can’t stop laughing

These classified ads are perfectly, catastrophically wrong — and we can’t stop laughing

From a restaurant serving waitresses in appetising forms to a toaster that automatically burns toast, these real classified ads are proof that a misplaced comma can change everything.
Jokes

How to make simple five-ingredient sausage rolls

How to make simple five-ingredient sausage rolls

These delicious bite-sized treats are absolutely perfect for bringing along to family gatherings as they're not only quick and easy to whip up but they're also a guaranteed crowd pleaser!