There’s nothing quite like the legendary humour of Billy Connolly to lift your spirits. His sharp wit, storytelling genius and gloriously cheeky one-liners have made him one of the world’s most beloved comedians. To brighten your day, here are three classic Billy Connolly jokes guaranteed to get you laughing.

“Scottish-Americans tell you that if you want to identify tartans, it’s easy – you simply look under the kilt, and if it’s a quarter-pounder, you know it’s a McDonald’s.”

“One sex therapist claims that the most effective way to arouse your man is to spend 10 minutes licking his ears. Personally, I think its bollocks.”

“When people say ‘life is short’. What the f***? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does! What can you do that’s longer?”