A priest is driving on the highway when he’s stopped for speeding. The policeman smells alcohol on his breath and then spots an empty wine bottle on the floor.
He says: “Father, have you been drinking?”
And the priest replies: “Just water.”
The policeman answers: “Then why do I smell wine?”
And the priest looks down at the bottle and says: “Good Lord, He’s done it again!”
A man and an ostrich walk into a restaurant. The waitress asks: “What will it be?”
The man replies: “A burger and a coke.”
“And you?”
“I’ll have the same,” the ostrich replies. They finish their meal and pay.
“That will be $4.50,” the waitress says. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact amount. They continue this every day for a week. On the last day the two come in once more.
“The usual?” the waitress asks.
“No, today is Friday. I’ll have steak and a coke.”
“Me too,” says the ostrich. They finish and pay.
“That will be $10.95.”
The man reaches in and pulls out the exact amount again just like all week.
The waitress is dumb-founded. “How is it that you always have the exact amount?”
“Well,” says the man. “I was cleaning my attic and I found a dusty lamp. I rubbed it and a genie appeared. I asked that when I needed to pay for something, the exact amount would appear in my pocket.”
“Amazing! Most people would ask for a million dollars. But what’s with the ostrich?”
“Well,” said the man. “I also asked for a chick with long legs.”
A man was walking down the beach when he noticed a cave. He walked in and looked around only to discover a magic lamp buried in the sand.
He rubbed it and a genie came out and said: ” You may have three wishes but you must know that whatever you wish for, your boss will get double.”
The man agreed and said: “I want a million dollars.”
Bang! He got it and immediately his boss received two million.
Next he said: “I want a Ferrari.”
And so just like that, he got one and his boss got two. Next, being his last wish, he took a minute and thought about it carefully.
Finally he said: “Well I’ve always wanted to give a kidney.”