A man entered a pet shop, wanting to buy a parrot. The shop owner pointed out three identical parrots on a perch and said: “The parrot to the left costs $500.”
“Why does that parrot cost so much?” the man wondered.
The owner replied: “Well, it knows how to use a computer.”
The man asked about the next parrot on the perch.
“That one costs $1,000 because it can do everything the other parrot can do, plus it knows how to use the online operating system.”
Naturally, the startled customer asked about the third parrot.
“That one costs $2,000.”
“And what does that one do?” the man asked.
The owner replied: “To be honest, I’ve never seen him do a thing, but the other two call him boss!”
A man and his pet parrot walk into a bar. It’s about 5pm, but they’re ready for a good night of drinking. They start off slowly, watching TV, drinking beer, eating peanuts. As the night goes on they move to mixed drinks, and then shooters, one after the other.
Finally, the bartender says: “Last call.”
So, the man says: “One more for me… and one more for my parrot.”
The bartender sets them up and they shoot them back. Suddenly, the parrot falls over and passes out. The man throws some money on the bar, puts on his coat and starts to leave.
The bartender, yells: “Hey buddy, you can’t just leave that lyin’ there.”
To which the man replies: “That’s not a lion, that’s a parrot.”
A burglar got into a house one holiday night. Shining his flashlight on the floor in the dark, he heard a voice say: “Jesus is watching you.”
He looked around nervously, shook his head, and kept looking for valuables. He heard again: “Jesus is watching you.”
This time he shined his light all over, and it rested on a parrot. He asked: “Did you say that?”
The parrot admitted that he had. “I’m just trying to warn you, is all.”
The burglar said: “Warn me, huh? A parrot? Who are you? What’s your name?”
“Moses.”
“Well, what kind of stupid people would name a parrot Moses?”
The bird answered :”I don’t know. I guess the same folks who would name a Rottweiler Jesus.”